In the past few weeks, I have been isolating. Not only isolating, but fantasizing about a trip alone, abroad, where I might even isolate further. I’ve searched land.com for vacant land to pull Wild Thing to and be in the middle of a forest to retreat. I’ve looked at flying to Mexico City and Puerto Rico to be immersed in a Spanish speaking environment – to walk the streets and sit in a cafe or even…
I read that Bad Bunny was born in Bayamón, and that is where I lived as a child. My sister, brother and I all went to Academia San José, which we would walk to each day going down streets that had houses interspersed with abandoned, overgrown fields teaming with wild grasses and shrubs. It was at Academia San José where I sold donuts to raise money for the nuns and their charity. I would eat…
I met a woman on the island of Lastovo in Croatia many years ago. She had retired to that isolated place because she inherited her father’s house there. She said she had everything she needed – I asked what that was? – she said “Two chairs. One to sit in and one to put my feet on.” Sage advice to the still young-ish. Today, I woke anxious. I was thinking about walking into my next…
Trayvon Martin would have been 31 years old today. Instead, he was murdered by a racist. The rally for Trayvon in 2012 was the first of many rallies Tin attended – he snapped this photo of himself. I think of Trayvon Every. Single. Time. I. See. A. Black. Boy. In. A. Hoodie. Because that’s why we were at the rally – racist folks believed Trayvon’s hoodie was just cause for being shot. I remember President…
I channeled MacGyver this past week – remember the TV character who was the global icon for resourcefulness and invention in the face of adversity? That was me. On Friday, I left my house at 6AM to drive to Oxford, MS to arrive at noon to pick up Tin from Stonewater. He was ten days past his 90-day stint in their program after having left In Balance Ranch in Arizona mid September and traveled to…
In the chapter on individuation is a sentence – don’t manage their feelings. There is another sentence, all of your feelings are valid. And to sum it up, what you believe, feel, think is valid because it is your feelings, your thoughts, your beliefs. What might seem ordinary to ordinary people is not for me. When I was young, my father would say Jump! and every one around him JUMPED. My mother would say –…
One of the subjects I want to have a conversation with Tin about is abandonment. I’ve squarely given this issue to him because of adoption. But I’ve learned in the last year and now realize so well in my ACA meetings and readings that abandonment doesn’t have to be a parent giving you up physically. Your parents could give you up emotionally, and their physical presence while they do this makes it sometimes even more…
I have been writing in a journal – paper and pen – with my arthritic hand. No one can read my chicken scratch, not even me. Today someone showed me a tablet where you can write and it transfers to a file, to a text, to a message and I thought, yeah right, no one could read my handwriting – including me. But despite the fact that I’ve been doing this new writing, in a…
Yesterday, I went to visit my son at Stonewater, which is a residential treatment center. It’s not intuitive to hand over your child to someone else’s care when they are struggling, but that is what I did fourteen months ago. Then I signed up for weekly Adult Children of Alcoholics meetings, and I joined a Monday night virtual parent call – a gathering of parents whose child is in treatment, had been in treatment, or…
Last week, my son told me he is scared to change. This was miles away from a year ago when he told me that he would never change and no one could change him. Imagine a journey that takes you deeper into yourself? It’s like your innards unclench and you feel what you’re feeling for the first time. This to me is knowledge. I remember the first time I was able to individuate someone else’s…
