Why Yoga Saved My Life
A zillion years ago when I was married for the first time, my husband at the time told me that I was dangerous because I would go all the way into something headlong without caution. He likened me to a Jim Jones groupie and frankly, it gave me pause.
Well not really. Nothing gave me pause, I plunged headlong into everything after that and here I am.
But I digress, here is why yoga saved my life because I had blown out my back in Pilates – and I needed to get my innards twisted and though I had been to countless yoga classes in California, nothing compared to Anusara practice here in New Orleans with Michele from Swan River and her cohorts and disciples – Libby, Aaron, etc. The minute I took one class I was hooked.
So when my mom was spiraling down into the land of no return, I walked into yoga at NOAC and Michelle began our practice by talking about addiction. And when my sibling was acting out and I was trying to take the high road, I walked into class and Michelle was talking about neutralizing negative people in your life. And when my mother was in the hospital and dying, I walked into yoga and Michelle was talking about the life cycle, about holding on and letting go. And when I was having a lot of difficulty comprehending the motives of a person who had entered my life, Michelle made me see that I could play a part in helping that person evolve. So Michelle saved my life.
Then more recently, I realized I had come smack up against a wall of my own making, I woke one morning and realized that all the growth I was going to have in my current position was rapidly ending or perhaps had ended a while ago and I was standing at the crossroads trying to figure out what next, because I wasn’t letting go of what had been really a great ride and I was like the woman on the flying trapeze, where the other handlebar was nowhere in sight so I wasn’t about to let go of the one I was holding and I was simply ignoring what a woman told me many years ago in New York at a conference – the best place to be is letting go and right before you grab hold of the next thing – here is where most of your growth will come from.
But good gracious alive why is it that I, an aggregator of all these great swaths of wisdom, am unable to even heed my own knowledge and insight repeatedly told to me through the ages? I told T at the beach this weekend that I am disconnected – I can’t get to what my brain knows, it’s like I’m stuck on a Fear Factor reality program where yes, I know what this is all about but NO I DON’T KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH IT.
Then I walked into my acrobatic yoga and a bunch of 20 year olds were my partners, and I didn’t know them and I didn’t trust them and Aaron wasn’t there who I do trust and so I was ready to turn around and walk out and they convinced me to stay and not only stay but to trust them by being there and supporting me through some pretty gnarly places that I had to go to do the routines and I realized when I left that I needed to be in a position of learning, that I needed to learn to trust that other people could help me and teach me and I realized how energized I was and it was superb.
So today when I finally made it to Wednesday’s meditation – part of my new commitment to find places to center myself, and Aaron began the practice by talking about Ganesha and how in using Ganesha as a meditative mantra we were looking to him as the remover of obstacles to help us find levity and humor in the obstacles that he possibly even put in our way but we are now asking him to remove. But more importantly that we are asking our heart and our mind to connect because the obstacle is usually a disconnect. Can I get a witness?
I wonder about my life sometimes, where I step into the profound and yet spend most of my waking time running around like a plebeian who doesn’t know how to move forward with grace, instead I’m a comic figure able to meet with my friend today who is in job duress and offer up all this pithy advice that she thanks me profusely for later on while inside I’m this bundle of contradictions about my own work and vision.
I have not been upside down in yoga since last week and that is a problem (even Tin has been in downward dog more than me in the last week). Meditation tonight helped me have a moment (as we grapple with no nanny and therefore no exercise this week). But more importantly, call me a nutball, a groupie, a whatever, but you know what when you find your guru why can’t you celebrate her/him with adulation and gratitude? And then realize that we are also the guru, so we are celebrating ourselves too.
G u r u – gee you are you!
This is why yoga saved my life and today Ganesha helped as he channeled through Aaron to remind me to get my heart and head connected again.