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This has been a slogging month – October – not what I expected it to be – there have been panic attacks, heart palpitations, depression, sadness, anxiety, computer death, dress death, and so on. But right now here is the state of the union – I’ve got a 30 day heart monitor to record what the cardiologist thinks is arrhythmia, I’ve got a brand new MacBook Pro 15″ (which I’m still trying to get wired correctly), my favorite dress – the one I bought on my first girl’s trip to Nantucket, where Cookie told me every woman needs a dress like that one – was ruined by the dry cleaners (worn only one and a half times in five years), and you know what, I’m tired of this month and sort of looking forward to it ending.

We’re coming upon the day of the dead, when spirits walk the earth with humans, and maybe that is a good precursor to my mom’s first anniversary of her death because as it approaches I find myself depressed and sad about all of it. I was sitting in the car outside the house last night with a friend who just lost her mother and I asked her how she is doing and she said, “I’m lost.” Yeah, I know the feeling. And not only is she feeling lost, but we are both feeling like orphans – her in her 60s and me in my 50s – orphaned and sad about the whole lot of it. It’s not like you are really calling in your chits to be taken care of like you were as a child, but just knowing that one parent is there who might help you get by is reassuring – no parents, not reassuring – get my drift?

The world is in a malaise to borrow from Jimmy Carter and what I’m feeling about uncertainty, instability, and hopelessness is a macro disease, not just my own musings.

So while all of this stuff has been swirling around like dust in a moldy attic, I’ve been realizing more and more that if you think about all the things that suck, things suck. And if you think about all the things that don’t suck, things don’t suck. So I have but one choice here – deep breath, focus on being too blessed to be stressed.

This entry was posted on Thursday, October 28th, 2010 at 3:21 pm and is filed under Main. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.