Don’t miss the chance to just be
Remember you heard it here first, the motto for the New Year is Just Be It. I read this:
If today’s average American is confronted with an hour of leisure, he is likely to palpitate with panic. An hour with nothing to do! So he jumps into a dither and into a car, and starts driving off fiercely in pursuit of diversion . . . . I thank heaven I grew up in a small town, in a horse-and-buggy era, when we had, or made, time to sit and think, and often just to sit . . . . We need less leg action and more astute observation as we go. Slow down the muscles and stir up the mind.
Don Herold
Okay, tripping over the 50 yard line and losing my mother last year did put me in mind about how life goes by so fast, so fleeting. I was reading some old letters from my mother that she wrote when she and her siblings took a car trip up to the mountains – she was having so much fun – I could read those letters over and over again. One postcard reads:
Hi Rachel, I’m so happy I came. It is so and so beautiful here – we have a 4 bedroom cottage with 7 people all enjoying the company. Tomorrow we go on a scenic train ride – then leave on Thur morn.
Lots of love, Mom
She also kept a journal of that trip that I asked her to do. Here is another card she sent me that has a funny dog on a couch looking like he just got ran over by a truck and inside it says MISS YOU:
12-2-92
Dear Rachel,
Your letter came at a time when I needed it most. I have never been fired – though she insisted she wanted my resignation. I did learn a lesson – don’t dance with the administrator’s date. I was not aware until the next day. …
Things are working out better for me. I have a better position at LaPlace and she got her ass fired one week later! Had she left me alone there would not have been an investigation in which the board learned she was putting her hand in the till – big time.
Mama has been in the hospital since last Mon. She is to be discharged in 2 days. Wed. I hope. she, John and Sally ate something the day after Thanksgiving – all were ill but Mama more so.
Best regards to Steven. I miss you so much.
With lots of love,
Mom
There was a letter after a fight we had:
June 1, 1994
Dear Rachel,
I have so many things I need and want to tell you that, this letter will probably be fragmented.
That was as far as I could get on Wed, now it’s Sunday and writing this letter is still difficult but if I don’t get any farther this time, I must say this, this probably won’t console you but realizing that I have hurt you has hurt me a hundred times over.
I’m supremely proud of you all your accomplishments. For me to have a senseless conversation about whatever – I am so sorry.
Rachel, I cannot fathom a day of my life without a relationship with you. I want to share everything with you. I have made mistakes in the past 9 years in my quest for “me,” but never do I want to hurt you.
I am going to close for now. I hope to hear from you soon.
Love,
Mom
The reason I am sharing these letters is that for many years I’ve been chasing my dreams, running faster and faster, and working harder and harder, and yet, the one thing that I didn’t do is slow down, and hang out with my mom like I wanted to. Yes we had our Saturday lunch dates, but you know what we just didn’t sit around enough together. I want to sit around with my son and my partner and my friends and family. I don’t want to chase pies in the sky. Why it takes 51 years and one year too late to realize this is beyond me.