Woman goes on journey, comes home changed
I flew out here to California on a wave of anxiety about a lot of things that are going on in my life – a confluence of anxiety over my economy, sadness over my mom’s one year anniversary approaching, and some trepidation about what is next in my working life.
An old boss of mine says that work can be defined in four levels:
Passion
Career
Job
Showing Up
And you need to figure out where you are on that rung. I’ve been so lucky for so long to have been in the top level and it didn’t come easy. I think the year before I stumbled into this line of work I had had 10 W2s because I couldn’t find the right fit. So for 16 years to be able to work at the top level has been a score.
On this trip I’ve been able to have many different conversations within the realm of media (the industry I have covered for years) and relationships (with two dear old friends, one old friend who I’ve been trying to see here for a couple of years now, and a long time friend) and life (snippets of conversations from colleagues, interactions with strangers) that have all brought me to a greater understanding about where I am in the cycle of life. We learned a dear friend in Spain just learned his cancer has spread into a dangerous area. My long time friend unpeeled another layer to me (strange how catching up with a girlfriend who I haven’t seen in years we were able to sit right down to the dinner table and get down to business and here my dear boyfriend who I am in touch with takes 20 years to tell me intimate details of his life) that made him make more sense. My two dear friends who are one year away and ahead of 50 have taken control over their lives and become masters of their own destiny giving me courage to do the same.
And I have missed my son and partner and my home. Home sweet home. And being here in the Bay Area has helped put to rest some of the dancing skeletons in my closet that like to come out around this time and scare the bejezzus out of me.