Communication Breakdown
A marathon is about the mind’s ability to run the race more than the body’s. Once you become a marathoner, you carry around the knowledge that the mind is strong enough to (fill in the blank). So you train your body, you trust in your mind, and what? The third region is the wild card – the one where the fork ran away with the spoon or the cow jumped over the moon. And it’s all caught up in waking, dreaming, intoxicated states of being that further blurs what’s really going on.
Next try to communicate inertia –
in·er·tia n
1. inability or unwillingness to move or act
2. the property of a body by which it remains at rest or continues moving in a straight line unless acted upon by a directional force
Inability to act versus continuous motion being acted upon by a directional force. You realize if a small noun can have such varying interpretations what to make of a grown girl?
My friend S always tells me my mind is powerful and I can do anything I set it to – she channels my mother who raised me saying those exact words – and yet when the Muse comes the mind grows muddled, confused about the task at hand – given all this strength of mind, why can’t I string together actions, conversations, dreams, desires, daydreams to present a balanced story? The addition and substraction of characters in this story is mind numbing. The inability to know thyself is of major concern. I had a long talk with L about this as he consternates over K – what do I want? the endless question right? It’s just that simply wanting isn’t enough – I want (fill in the blank) is fraught with risk and reward each step.
I dreamt Max was a fox and stood on a mountain with three dogs. A man ripped his ear off and he came to me, wounded, and I watched him die. I woke up feeling wretched and groggy.
What’s missing is the groggy clarity that L said he had about K the other morning. I want to wake restful and know myself. Instead I awake restless most mornings and feel drawn to a directional force that I feel I have no control over. The Muse so forcefully presents itself but tells me I am the one in control of the situation – and yet I cannot write.