Will you take me as I am?
Disconcerting.
My gf is on her way to Istanbul. You could say it is a lesbian thing, but I don’t know. I did research on the subject of ex girlfriends and one article I read said for lesbians the real relationship is the ex-girlfriend. It was written by a professor name Tatiana – don’t get me started.
Discombobulating.
I mentioned my research to T; however, the professor loathes when I quote scholarly gay studies – perhaps because she’s a more holistic lesbian than me or maybe it bothers her what I don’t know. But my questions run from the mundane to the complex: are those my socks? to is it normal to travel to another country to see your ex?
Disorienting.
I would be disingenuous to say I like her there – with the ex – call me jealous and unenlightened, maybe even uninformed or maybe clinging to vestiges of my straight past. Don’t get me wrong, our love is strong, but I just don’t get why the ex needs not one but many trips (this is the third in under a year).
Dissociating.
I calm my thoughts in various ways, but the treatise on ex lesbian lovers haunts me – the notion that the true love is the ex – and I turn this notion around in my mind, turn it, split it open, turn it, put it back together, and I always come back to the same place, which is I’m not sure what lesbians and their ex girlfriends are all about, either culturally, sociologically, biologically, much less psychologically.
Deconstructing.
I only know who I am – a woman who fell in love with a woman.
Demanding.
Since T is the first woman I have been in relationship with, I might never get to figure out the whole ex girlfriend thing on account of T is not going to be my ex.
March 24th, 2009 at 5:22 pm
You’re pretty harsh on same-sex relationships for someone who is in one. Is your claim that “there are no rules” from personal experience or just propaganda you’ve heard from the RRRW and decided to pass on? That sort of thinking will only destroy you and help prop up the bigots, who will point to you and say, “see, even the gays themselves say it”. You’re not doing yourself or us any favors with it.
March 24th, 2009 at 6:30 pm
You missed the point Buffy – if gays try to fit in, they are following other people’s rules – rather than inventing their own or what might work better than the status quo – instead of being followers, gays could be leaders – after all they are already marching outside the beat of the drum.
I point to many examples of people who are marginalized wanting in – women who want to be rabbis, women who want to be like men in business, gays who want to marry. All of this should be possible sister, but why not do one better – why not preach an enlightened religion, invent businesses that create business, or have a legal union that provides the legalities you need?
How about joining in the dialogue and adding something to it instead of going on the defensive. This is a dialogue, you know. What do you have to say about any of what I wrote:
What are the rules of lesbian relationships?
What is the deal with the ex girlfriends?
Why do gay want to propagate marriage when it doesn’t work for a lot of people – why not invent a new union?