The definition of adoption
I am beginning to believe there is no one true experience for anyone, anywhere. I look at the fact that I was raised in the same environment, by the same people, and had the same experiences as my sister but in fact, we are polar opposites in how we view everything.
So when I read about adoption and how the experience might color a child’s outlook on life, it’s really from a point of ignorance and wanting to know. We had to write Dear Birth Mother letters to file at the attorney’s office. When I searched for examples on the web, many sites popped up claiming that Dear Birth Mother letters were all part of a large conspiracy to exploit poor mothers whose babies were going to be ripped away from them.
Then there is the international adoption where the birth mother is supposed to be out of sight, out of mind, these disembodied babies are handed over via an organization – except sometimes that is not the case and the adoptive parents are taking the child straight from the malnourished mother’s arms and whisking them away to a strange country.
All of this makes you wonder what you are doing?
I consider myself somewhat normal, with the desire to nurture a child, the resources and maturity to offer a child a loving home. One friend who grew up in an orphanage told me that children in orphanages are ruined and can never be adopted. A woman I admire who writes a lot about this topic wrote about the experience from the birth mother’s pov – it was harrowing. Another friend who was adopted tells me she learned her birth mother only got a glimpse of the back of her head as she was taken away in the hospital.
There are so many questions – how will the child feel about being adopted – thankful or resentful? Open adoption – is it right? For whom?
Will our adopted child feel like s/he got a bum deal? My sister feels like she missed out on something, but I don’t. A business associate of mine was adopted and went on to adopt three children himself because he had such a good experience in his adopted home. His children run pale to latte to espresso in color and in the family photo they all five look very happy.
Look up the definition of adoption – on one hand it is borrowing from another source, another is embracing, and the last is simply a legal definition of something that forever binds you to our destiny and ours to yours.