Are you a weiner?
How can you measure yourself without a benchmark – what is good if you don’t know bad – is it difficult to get ahead while your colleague, a friend lags? Is it hard to be content in love when you know others covet what you have?
We were discussing a friend who did not get invited to participate on a literary proposal – on one hand, it says a lot to be associated with a special project but by its very nature, it is exclusive. What happens if the one being excluded is someone you care deeply about? Then enters a new conundrum – how to feel good when you’re friend doesn’t – is the spoils of success as tasty if everyone isn’t invited to supper? And if everyone sits at the table, how is the occasion to be celebrated – one for all, and all for one?
Over the years, I have witnessed first-hand how one’s success is tainted by the lack in another. It makes me wonder what is the nature of competition and whom are we competing against and for what?
A few nagging questions emerge, if everyone has it, does the nature of it change? To be offered an exclusive work deal by nature demonstrates you have an edge in that business. If every student in the class gets an A, is A devalued? Is A even desirable? What is the meaning of an A? If you get a C, do you become Dale Carnegie?
Maybe it is not one path, and there is a turn for everyone, multiple times, and when one door closes, another opens, and the passage of time is best viewed through this lens rather than one where there is a tiny slice of the pie, and someone’s got to it first, and ate it all before you had time to ask for seconds.
More importantly, are you a loser, if you’re not a winner?
November 24th, 2008 at 5:03 pm
There are many measures of success, and I think you have to look carefully until you find the one that works for you. I guess that means that I definitely don’t think you’re a loser if you’re not a winner. That means you’re looking at someone else’s measuring standard! A sure way to greet defeat!
November 25th, 2008 at 11:46 am
You are absolutely right. I wrote this entry with a friend and myself in mind who had similar experiences. What is your benchmark – if I look around and see that I am loved and love, that I live in New Orleans, that I’m healthy, wow, I might be the most successful person on this planet.
You might like this fortune cookie I got in San Francisco when I first arrived there in 1990 – “A woman who tries to equal man lacks ambition.”