The whole big ball of wax
Today in my breathing – zen – through it all attitude – I tried to contemplate all the what ifs that seem to be plaguing me as I get ready to roll on the sabbatical. Concerns about my mother being here with the animals and June 1st having signified the start of hurricane season (someone reminded me that real hurricanes don’t start until August), concern that my tolerance level is running on empty for my day to day interchanges (when I told a long-time source of mine I was off on sabbatical after 13 years, she said to phone her when I return and “I’ll hire you, you know more about this industry than most of the people I work with” – nice vote of confidence in a sea of concerns), concern that my nightmares were tormenting me last night and most included my father and mother in some weird helpless scenarios where I woke screaming MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY – not to mention overall concerns for macro issues – is it possible this country could elect a Republican in November? is it possible that all this work to get here might have been for naught? is it possible that my true ability to do anything about everything from dust-bunnies to world peace is completely nil, nada, zilch and there you have it.
I think that putting a smile on my face is the only thing I have control over and for some completely insane reason – it works!