We are moving through something here…
Late yesterday, I took the Bean for a walk – it was warm and sunny and we were bounding along the bayou and ran into L with the dogs. We walked a ways – I was trying to update him on some cross conversations I had been having with mutual friends and the conversation turned inward to some issues that we have had recently. I viewed it as some sort of stalemate – like when I was telling my other friend L, who is a nurse, that I felt a certain way about someone and she said “get over it, because there is nothing there” and it was akin to a snap to the brain. In other words, why wallow in what was, could have been, or wasn’t if it is no longer part of the landscape and therefore dead weight?
As we stood on the corner of Ursulline and North Rendon, deep in conversation, R drove by and yelled “come to my party!” – now mind you, I had blown off G and going to Bacchanal, and had really wanted to go canoeing but didn’t have a partner at the ready to go with me and the canoe is too heavy for me alone, so I was looking forward to a night in, not a party, but I walked down to where R said to come – wondering why he was at a house on Ursulline and turned out he had just bought it a few months ago. I met M, his wife, for the first time and their 10-month-old blue saucer eyed daughter J. The house is gorgeous – on one of the most beautiful streets with large, tall ceiling rooms – two master suites in back – large bathrooms – just fabulous. Never mind that I had walked by the LaLa and felt when Arlene tugged to go there it was a manifestation of my tug to be in there – I felt the tug stronger this time than any other. So R and I caught up on what has been going on – he asked how my husband is and I said he was, we are getting a divorce and he is already back in California and R ran his hand through his hair and looked me in the eye and said, “I’m so sorry, Rachel” and I caught myself from letting the flood gates open by biting my lip as hard as I could – I told M how when we graduated from college, R, N and my friend C all had a graduation party together at Monsters and had Johnny Jay and the Hit Man play.
That seems so so so long ago. Now Monsters is called Grits.
On the way home, I ran into T sweeping his front yard – H&T are considering buying his house – I stopped and talked to him because he has accepted a position at another university and is moving in August. He seemed anxious the house wasn’t selling and he said he had told his wife “we are moving through something here, just need to relax and breathe through it” – I laughed and said “oh do I know what you mean – I am moving through some powerful force right now and I am trying to breathe.” I ran home and told H&T that he is desperate to sell and to bite on this house now.
Later, I exchanged emails with S and told him fuck face had used my name again and he said “maybe we do a class action suit?” I reminded him of what N had said when he first encountered her blog and text me while S and I were sitting at Taqueria Corona eating a fish taco – “why is she entitled?” – using our name, our story, a blog. How sad for her.
And the Tao reading last night: Number 69
The generals have a saying:
“Rather than make the first move
it is better to wait and see.
Rather than advance an inch
it is better to retreat a yard.”
This is called
going forward without advancing
pushing back without using weapons.
There is no greater misfortune
than underestimating your enemy.
Underestimating your enemy
means thinking that she is evil.
Thus you destroy your three treasures
and become an enemy yourself.
When two great forced oppose each other,
the victory will go
to the one who knows how to yield.
——–
And that is why this morning I said whatyagonnado about these things you have no control over – just leave them to lie in a fallow yard. Leave the lawsuits to the petty world of lawyers, and remember what is small is easy to scatter and what is recent is easy to correct, and again, I whisper – proceed with love.