At the end of desire, Joy
The human corridor has expanded for many of us walkers because we have time. My 2-3 mile walks are now a meandering 4-7 miles most mornings. I find myself in new neighborhoods, waving to new people on their porches, and even today being followed by a new dog all the way to the Hall (spoiler alert: the owner came to get her).
On my walk this morning, I listened to a meditation that asked what I need right now? I thought about the usual suspects that are perhaps more poignant now than ever – money, security, health. A response came not from my thoughts, but from my entire being, the answer was nothing.
I do not need right now.
I felt full because I woke to a text thread from a group of gals I have had the immense pleasure of joining after my move to Mississippi. Each one more incredible than the next and their missives this morning were a resounding “I’ve got your back.”
I had other messages from friends – a dear friend who lost her shit yesterday for real and sent me a glorious good morning text today. Another text thread from friends sharing a meditation. Another one sharing a spoken word poem about Fear. Bounty, I tell you, is what I have, not need.
Then right then and there I felt it wash over me. JOY. Oh yes, I’ve known joy before, always unexpected, always an emotion that stops the clock, always a revelation with a surge of powerful feelings of being loved and loving in a feral, primal, no holds bar type of way. You don’t get to choose joy. It’s not its sister friend happiness. Unfettered Joy only comes when desire ends.
