The Sun Also Rises
Hemingway wrote about conflict:
Because of Jake’s impotence, Brett throws herself into meaningless affairs with other men. Even though she will not commit to Jake, she will not give up her relationship with him. However, she often brings other men around Jake and tells him of her affairs and before Jake can really say anything about it, she will say something like: “But, oh, Jake, please let’s never talk about it” (Hemingway 247).
Yesterday, someone said on the radio, it was a story about the perfect love, and who the hell wants to read about the perfect love?
I watched a documentary about Alice Walker last night after Tin went to bed – she said, “I’m not heterosexual, I’m not bisexual, I’m not a lesbian, I’m not straight, I’m just curious.” And yet in her biggest relationship, that with her daughter, she is estranged.
My sister is headed for an operation and she and I too are estranged.
My past loves are compartmentalized.
I expressed my desires to the universe – write my book, offer workshops, and start a spiritual group – I’m doing these things. My life is one step at a time falling into stones that are forming a path and I’m walking.
Why then do I keep having dreams of large houses, big houses that I am buying, last night this one was enormous with extra kitchens, and room to throw lavish parties, and antiques and closets just to store hats, and landscaped land all around.
The discontent of my current house is psychological, not geographical, not physical.
“You can’t get away from yourself by moving from one place to another,” Jake said.
Jake says these words to Cohn in Chapter II when Cohn tries to convince him to travel to South America. Cohn feels dissatisfied with his life in Paris, and he believes that a change of location will fill the void he senses in his life. Jake knows that such reasoning is nonsense — Cohn’s unhappiness stems from his outdated values and his decadent lifestyle, which will not be any different anywhere else.
I fluttered my eyes open this morning surprised to see it was already daylight outside and I heard the chirping of Tin in his room. When he ran and jumped in bed with me his fingers and toes were icicles. The Spirit House is frozen – the thermostat stuck at 63 degrees – and yet our hearts are warm.
I watched the daylight and wondered how it was possible to not sleep one night and then sleep nine hours the next – the sleep of the dead – and I looked outside and knew the sunlight was beckoning me to get out of the bed and start the day. To warm up my son by dressing him warmly. To get lunch made and breakfast prepared and get to my desk to work on the next report that is due and to post my Black History Month challenge before the morning was done.
While watching the documentary last night, Howard Zinn said, “One should be proud of the fact that they got fired. That means they did something good.” Someone else quoted Emerson and said, “I feel most bad about myself when I’ve listened to other people instead of myself.”
In my longing for community, I forget about the solace of being alone and seeing the sun rise outside my bedroom window.
