Red is my color
A friend taught me a Qigong movement, which beautifully places your energy in the now while releasing negative vibes. Another friend who has been receiving the Prosperity Affirmation with me every morning has been having serious financial difficulty and she confessed today she’s worried about losing her house – she’s going to be 68 years old this coming Monday.
I have been turning down the knob of the voice in my head that wants to hit the panic button, and I must confess myself – getting through January has been like going through the hall of whirring blades – read: a lot of blood in the catchall troughs.
So here’s the itemized list of what I have held in abeyance – keep in mind that my mantra for January was to not live on my credit card anymore and that hasn’t happened:
1) a client cancelled on me because her budget had been cut
2) property tax bill rolled in on the 3rd – due before the 31st.
3) ADP sent me a note that there was some IRS issue and so they debited my account for $397.
4) New Orleans witnessed the coldest winter possibly on record – my energy bill doubled two months in a row.
5) camera ticket = $110.
6) Tin’s current school raised the amount they need by almost double to hold his spot – it is nonrefundable.
7) I got a flat tire in Baton Rouge traveling to Tin’s friend’s birthday party.
I have remained in the moment, being grateful for food on our table, the bare minimum heat we could scrape up during the cold snaps, and thankful for our health and happiness in general.
I’ve also tried to see how my thoughts manifest this state of lack – debt – fear. I acknowledge I am attached to my house and to financial security. I am attached to money coming in and not having to worry about paying my bills. I am attached to getting my ducks in the row. I do fear losing my financial security. I do fear being in debt, having no money, having no options. I do fear the wrecking ball coming in and whacking my ducks out of alignment.
And so I’m centered in my happiness. I know those seven items would have taken me down a couple of years ago, but now all seven are not making a dent in my peace of mind. That’s not to say they are not real boogeymen and that they are not annoying. It’s to say that in concentrating on where my bounty lies I have gained what I had not asked for:
1) a gift of a mani pedi gift certificate
2) news that a dear friend is coming for Jazz Fest then free tickets to Jazz Fest
3) it appears Tin will get in the new school (digits still crossed)
4) my real estate agent has taken over the negotiation to get my heater situation fixed or squared
5) a man changed my flat tire for free
6) my gratitude jar is almost stuffed full and it’s only January
7) a friend taught me a qigong movement that frees your energy and opens your path
My cup runneth over even while the sharks circle for the blood letting – I thank my lucky stars that I’ve always looked good in red.
February 3rd, 2014 at 10:28 am
Hubby never ever tells me I can’t have something, so it’s saying a lot when recently he said to me that we have to be frugal with our spending for awhile because of unforeseen expenses lately! What can I say?? Things happen! My ear procedure, which is basically covered by Medicare thank goodness, will cost us at least $750, his extensive dental work at the end of the year cost around $3K, the new glasses I’ve got on order–desperately needed–set us back more than $700! On top of all that, the ice built up on the roof and as it melted began running under the eves and the bedroom ceiling sprang several leeks. It happens. But come summer, the sunshine will feel all the sweeter because we’re going to be fine no matter! Your attitude will make all the difference. Good luck, Rachel.
February 3rd, 2014 at 10:29 am
😀 Wrong leeks! (leaks–above–yes, I still know how to spell!)
February 5th, 2014 at 7:26 am
I learned early on Alice that with money or no money does nothing to ensure happiness. My moments where I recall being in the moment are indelible – having moved into a half a shotgun apartment on General Pershing after leaving my first husband and our house and sitting on the back steps, under the shade of a pecan tree. I can remember to this day the way the light looked, and the feeling of no where to go. I started making real money the same year my mother went into the hospital – I was sitting in a hotel room because my sister had locked me out of my mother’s apartment and my mom was in intensive care and the nurses said she wouldn’t make it – that was in 2001 – right after 9/11 – I had run a marathon that October – and work called and said my bonus was $18,000.
I was happy – sort of – to hear – but it didn’t matter. My mother was dying in the hospital, my sister was behaving in her typical fashion, New York and the U.S. and the world had been traumatized – and $18,000 just didn’t mean a whole lot of anything.
Later that $18,000 would become $100,000 and I would be raking it in and stressed out so much that I came to equate making money with hardship and angst – each time I went up the wrung so did my expenses and expectations – my husband buying in as a partner, me buying into the work fund partnership, a house in Marin Country, a better car. Tying my boat to some gold harbor where all that glittered soon began to be all that ailed me.
Now that I’m in this new state of mind – new state of finances – I’m at peace – finally. And I actually have to make peace with money and not view it as an either/or situation – money comes when I need it and I do not lack.
And this period of making much less money has been a good time to sort through my attachments to it as well as reprioritize its meaning.
I find all of this interesting considering as a young adult I had made a decision not to pursue money but to pursue my passion – writing – and somewhere along the way to chasing my dreams out West in California – I climbed on board the money express – and while I could see what money was doing to everyone and everything in San Francisco during the dot.com era – I couldn’t separate myself from the allure of it – the more I got, the more I wanted. And still I kept feeling as if I was late to the party – the ride lasted from 1996 to 2007 and then the tides changed right when I was feeling comfortable with it – and I spent 2007 through 2013 holding on with white knuckles to it and its accouterments – afraid of its rampant contraction even though I saw everyone else around me reeling from a recession that would come to be more pronounced than any of us could imagine.
And so this year 2014 – for me, Alice – is about making peace with money, with what it buys and what it doesn’t – and I’m happy to say, it’s only February and I feel at peace with my situation.
February 5th, 2014 at 7:29 am
And Good Luck to you and hubby too, Alice.