The source
I’ve been walking around the bayou these days with Heidi – a dog is always a great motivator for taking long walks. The bayou has been beautiful as of late, the weather one to two degrees north of Africa hot and the sky blue and filled with puffy clouds as if it were summer. We head from our new house down the neutral ground and hit the mouth of the bayou where there seems to be a lot of activity – one neighbor has added a pool, one house is going up on the old funeral home lot, the two empty lots that were sold are still vacant but are neatly mowed – all in all it’s as if we never moved away.
Meanwhile, in my new neighborhood there is a ton of activity – there are three dumpsters lining the street – the steel is up on the new school, the house across the street that was being renovated is almost done, a new fence has been put up in back of the house directly across from me – this house is going to be added to the India House’s hostal inventory.
Heidi and I have a routine we’ve established, we walk from here down to the bayou and cross the Magnolia Bridge then make our way into City Park where the Big Lake path is well used and the path beyond is starting to be frequented by more serious walkers and runners.
And then there’s us – we are not exactly fast walking and not exactly moseying – we’re sort of gliding.
We keep running into friends from one end to the other that often results in long pauses to our walks, which I don’t mind, it’s nice to catch up with everyone, but there are days when I’m seeking solitude and that seems to be hard to come by on the bayou.
Yesterday, I was gliding along feeling the sunshine instead of cowering from it, and I thought about all the ways and back that I’m blessed beyond belief. I have walked this bayou under such incredible states of mind – from 2003 until now, from the tumult of being torn between two lovers to the utter despair of losing my mother, I have traversed a well worn path in my heart one side joy and one side sorrow. And I thought about each of the incidents that gave rise to each as I walked almost as if the last eight years of my life were passing in front of me.
Here I am, I said to myself almost in surprise, I am still standing – remarkable.
I thought about the trials and tribulations that had me going around in circles and how meaningless each of them seem now – it fed into my pithy adage machine that spits out all these great feel goods sayings – this one says this too shall pass.
As I walked along the grass, nicely mowed, there were fish jumping out of the water – plop plop plop. I closed my eyes and continued to walk forward and I felt the gentle wind at my back.
There are many stories we tell ourselves about ourselves – you should have, you could have, why did you, why didn’t you – but the best stories are the ones we tell ourselves about finding happiness against all odds.
