God has learned a lot since Leviticus
I went to the Steiner study group last night as we are still reading Education as a Force for Social Change. Someone asked me what I felt, as a Jew, with Steiner’s repeated mention of Christ. I said that I didn’t imagine the Jesus Christ that I had held at arm’s length my whole life, but instead I imagined what Steiner meant was the divine in each of us.
That is what Waldorf has been for me – to educate my child where the teacher is teaching to the divine in him – his greatest potential – not just another kid, or his race, or his gender.
With the group and other avenues, I am working spiritually on developing absolute trust for what is coming to me in the future. This is a very difficult step in my development. I’m trying to wake up and trust that karma will unfold benevolently and that when I lay my head down at night that I have an attitude of gratitude. That is the most any human could hope for.
Yesterday, as Tin had his first playdate here at the Red House, the adjoining neighbor began her rash of complaints. Or let me call them irrational. It is not rational to believe that someone can share a wall and keep a 4 year old quiet during the hours of 5-7PM.
At the same time, my eyesight that has been a huge issue I’ve been avoiding recognizing took turns towards the worse. I’ve had difficulty seeing and keeping my eyes moist and of course, Graves disease was the threat from months ago and now I find myself worrying myself sick over whether I am flip flopping between Hashimoto’s and Grave’s as was originally feared. So I decided to stave off anything negative in my life and focus primarily on my health.
Which right now is the singularly most important thing besides Tin.
In a conversation about God in the study group, we began again by talking about Christianity vs other religions and about how the world has moved more and more towards intelligence at the sake of body and soul. And a quote surfaced and floated around the table regarding the Jewish notion of a God in progress – and a movie about a Gay Orthodox Jew where the character was asked about his feelings towards his religion responded: “God has learned a lot since Leviticus.”
We all have learned a lot. I have learned to put my needs first – I learned this but didn’t take a stand on it till yesterday afternoon. And it feels right wearing this cloak of self-concern for the first time.