Guilty feelings of nothingness
Do you ever feel guilty because you are choosing a life of non-doing. No, she answered, as she snapped her gum and banged on the keyboard. No, not at all.
Liar.
Read this article.
Busyness serves as a kind of existential reassurance, a hedge against emptiness; obviously your life cannot possibly be silly or trivial or meaningless if you are so busy, completely booked, in demand every hour of the day
Emptiness is desirable. Go for it.
July 28th, 2012 at 8:26 pm
I grew up with my Grandmother reminding me quite regularly that ‘idle hands are a sign of an idle mind’ so I have spent a goodly part of my life rebelling against this constant busyness. Sometimes it works, sometimes it just leaves me broke, but I do agree that it makes one feel guilty. I’m still working on that part of it. For me though, when I am sitting or wandering and not really DOING anything, it is the most productive time for my mind. I need that time to weigh my feelings on things so I can actually create something from it all. Sometimes it’s hard to get other people to understand though, isn’t it.
July 29th, 2012 at 3:35 am
Marilyn – reminds me of Marge Piercy’s poem – For the Young Who Want To
Talent is what they say
you have after the novel
is published and favorably
reviewed. Beforehand what
you have is a tedious
delusion, a hobby like knitting.
Work is what you have done
after the play is produced
and the audience claps.
Before that friends keep asking
when you are planning to go
out and get a job.
I spent my 30s in this sort of idle place in San Francisco trying to write a novel, a short story, working odd jobs and working on my writing. Then I succumbed – we wanted a house, we wanted money to buy this and that – and so I got “the” job and my writing more and more got short shrift. Nearly 17 years later, I’ve come back again – “getting and spending, we lay waste our power,” (Wordsworth) and so I’m trying to make peace with idleness and emptiness and not rushing to fill it all up with something outside of myself.
For now I want to lay down the burden of guilt and let open productive time.