Things that stick with you
I was walking the girls this morning and crossing the Magnolia Bridge when I saw S with his two dogs. He said he had read my blog and was wondering about it being so personal in nature. I told him about my full disclosure rule. If I am not writing about the truth then what’s the point.
Meanwhile, I’ve been avoiding the bayou because the dew makes it messy and the grass hasn’t been cut (remember it’s all mowed by volunteers) and Arlene’s nails stay short if they get filed by the concrete. But I wanted to chat with S so I stayed on the bayou. Around the bend, by General Beauregard’s statue, S noticed black dots all over his ankles and first thought it was bugs then realized the grass seeds were sticking to us.
Later, at my desk, Loca jump on me and wanted some pets and when I touched her fur there was a sticky coating all over it. Yuck. But it made me think of something S had asked earlier that had stuck with me – “when you write about not needing love, is that a defense mechanism?” He said a lot of women he knows undersell their desire because they are scared they wont get it. Is it just women who do this, I wondered.
Try as you might to figure out whether you are in the midst of self-deception – sometimes it’s hard to know yourself. But can someone else know you are deceiving yourself? Another conundrum to explore.
July 24th, 2007 at 3:11 pm
The line further down on the page ‘not what each other were looking for but more than we thought to ask for’ kind of seems connected to the same idea of underselling, if only in my mind. This line (about receiving more than you thought to ask for) makes me feel like crying.
‘I suppose to see everything as connected to everything else is the addiction of our time’ – Orhan Pamuk
July 24th, 2007 at 5:54 pm
It is connected. And the connections are addicting. But I think the brain is like a hard drive – it can be rewritten. So the message is a two parter – dare to dream big (hey, why not) and be open. Those friends of mine I was telling you about have what they want all carved out in their minds – it’s their perfect scenario – the rich boyfriend who is not that hot or the hot boyfriend with no human flaws – they’ve already shut the door on who they don’t know – the rich, hot boyfriend with a dot of mayonnaise on his upper lip.