Coasting Neutral
The past couple of days have been rather good despite all the uncertainty that still exists in our lives. S came by this morning and it was mutually decided that I will keep the LaLa house and that probably makes the most sense. We came to an amicable split and now we just need to implement it. All the sadness from the earlier days is still hovering around us but unfortunately we can provide each other no comfort. He said he was having dinner with K last night and friends and saw N having the family dinner across the dining room.
I’ve found a place to get online and weather the lack of services here at the Can. So I will make use of that for the time being. N will take over finishing the house, which means B will be done once he finishes the porch. B doesn’t want to work with N but truthfully I think what he can do there has come to an end anyway. I’m hoping it means more speedy progress but not going to set my sights on any hard and fast date in my mind as that would just lead to anxiety that I can’t afford to carry around right now.
It’s raining again but at least this time the outside doesn’t reflect the inside – I think I have found neutral. I go back to whatever happens is meant to be and that is all we can put our hope towards.
I picked up W this afternoon after school. He was in a wonderful chatty mood, affectionate and all smiles. He said L is a good baby, doesn’t cry. He keeps remembering pre-birth when he first found out about the pregnancy and he told me he was nervous and I tried to explain what being around a baby would be like for the first six months – a lot of crying I said – so he always tells me she doesn’t cry that much. He plans to dig a tunnel underneath his new house and only let select people in there – he will have a scanner to only let good people in. Thankfully I made the list. He stayed through dinner and it was a love fest, lots of cuddling and laughing at Jimmy Neutron. He asked me where his parents were and I said at the movies. He asked which one and I said Brokeback Mountain. “What’s it about?†– I said about two men who are very close, they’re cowboys. “What are they up against?†[don’t you love that he would ask this question?] – I said well they are two men in love and there are conventional people who frown on the aspect of two men being in love like a man and woman. “I see nothing wrong with two men loving each other.†Nor should you I said.
N and I are supposed to meet with S about the LaLa – hide the rat poison.
S admitted the chair – the damn chair – is after all, comfortable, but he wouldn’t go so far as to say he liked it.