Race Car in the Red
Had I known which way this day was going I would have stayed in bed this morning – but no, in the spirit of every day is a fresh new day, I hopped out, took Arlene to walk around the bayou with L and his dogs. Came home, spoke to my group about the new year and rah rah rah – let’s get fired up – etc. – and then it started: went by to see H about getting mom in the Can and she said mom’s application was denied because post-Katrina she made too much money to get in. First strike.
Then went to N’s to get online and thought I was talking to her but she was in the back and didn’t hear me and then came out and said “you could have said hello†and a look – strike 2.
Shine’s office called and said first he can talk to me is the 19th – so all this hanging over me with LaLa and asset division goes with me to the Bahamas. Strike 3.
Next was being informed of the vitriolic missive that suggested I should not be allowed to have any contact with W anymore –reaction: explosive – saw red – shut down puter – walked out door – slam away in Blue.
Then to mom’s to tell her about the Can – she’s sick with the same cold everyone else has had and I felt horrible telling her. I tried to spin it in the best light I could – that if S moves into LaLa, I might not stay in midcity, so this might all be for the best because then we can figure out a new plan.
But the overriding question today has been – why can’t anything deliver on the promise?
Called N and apologized for miscommunication – called other N and apologized for hanging up – and then had long talk with S telling him where I am about LaLa etc. The best I could offer is we will figure it out. Everything is going to work out.
I just wished I could really embrace that feeling.
Meanwhile I removed the pic from my desktop; it is causing me nothing but agitation – and did not respond to a flight fantasy that features me in a familiar outlaw position – got a deep massage that helped calm the race car in the red provoked by someone who can’t separate a man from a boy – wanted to send a note to V since there has been no communication but know it would be like trying to speak to S – where anything I say incites more anger/hurt – best to let bdays slip by as well as more formal apologies – received a loving note from D and told her to keep them coming.
Now end the day with exercise – focus on small things I have control over and let the universe handle the larger details that I seem to have no control over and dole out the path as the fates see fit. Everything happens for a reason, right?