Epiphanies
Blessed day – the sun shining, the air temperate – a long run on the bayou – the general glad to be here feeling that I tapped into helped an epiphany light up. Reminded me of the zen dropping that has been on my desk for 25 years – “You are exactly where you are supposed to be no matter how things may seem to appear” – and my epiphany was that everything is real no matter the duration and you can attempt a life of no regrets but sometimes life throws curve balls and sometimes you are not a star catcher and you flinch with regret.
Everyone I speak to continues to retort – “You are strong” – I think I have pulled the wool over too many people’s eyes for a long time. They all believe I am strong enough to handle all of this that I have dished out and dished in. Truth is I am not strong enough for it and it has made my knees buckle and brought me down to the floor – where my strength lies is in picking myself back up and optimistically going forward. That’s what I think fools people.
My anger is abating – it was raging last night till this morning. My sadness has wafted in and out all day. My joy is returning.
Forgiveness is not an easy thing but it is the only way to the other side.