A victory lap – drum roll, please
Well, several victory laps – because I have had a couple of minor and major victories in the past 24 hours – seeing my ex lover and thinking to myself “poor guy” is one small victory – it’s much better than poor me any day of the week.
Then I had a real live moment of maturation and realization when I woke up on Sunday morning with an unresolved issue circling my brain. It basically goes like this – I have never thought my needs are valid, so I don’t articulate them, and then when a person doesn’t meet my needs, I harbor resentment and shut down, instead of saying something. It’s tough being me sometimes – a very complex drama that gets played out in my head while the rest of the world has no clue.
So my friend Trish, who is want to say that we “train people how to treat us,” was sitting on my shoulder this morning like a good angel.
Wait – this all ties in – in a beautiful package – having realized my needs five years ago and having declared them to S was one step towards progress, and then allowing a man who wanted to take care of my needs in was the next bit of progress – and when he turned out to be a liar liar pants on fire and I said this is not what I need and he exited, stage left, that too was fabulous progress.
But this morning – there has been a certain someone who has been dismissive of my needs for a while now and I have allowed this person to treat me this way. So I woke up this morning and decided to call him and lay my cards on the table – at risk of seeming vulnerable and yes, that adjective I most love to hate, needy – and the outcome was exhiliratingly liberating.
How great is that? To have this real warped way of taking care of other people’s needs all my life and suddenly realizing I too have needs and also recognizing when they are not being met by others – it’s like my own little nirvana victory dance is going on over here.
She has risen.