Confessions of numbing
I am approaching this year as one where I am not looking for the usual bandaids to get me through the stress of every day life and worry. As a matter of fact by practicing nonattachment I’m trying to let go of worry all together as a pass time. Examples of progress: I had decided to tear out the grass in the backyard to plant a vegetable garden – estimate $1000. Vegetable garden cancelled – will put some veggies among my flower garden. The garden guy who has helped me in the past – the first time cost me $325 and now his estimate to help clean up the yard and cut back stock is $550. I passed. I’ll do it myself. A friend asked me where I got the bathing suit I wore last time we were together and I told her and while I was getting the link for her, I saw the same one in violet, my new favorite color, and I was tempted to buy it, and I thought, why? I have ten two pieces I don’t wear and four one pieces that I don’t wear enough, so really? I need a bathing suit?
Let’s travel down the road of perspective … building the LaLa always included a plunge pool in the backyard, a place to cool off from our murderous summers. BUT I ran out of money, so I put in grass and irrigation instead. Always the pool was coming. Then other things came, a baby for one. And incomes changed, headed south that is, and concerns grew, economy that is. And so that distant day when the pool was going to come was often supplanted by temporary situations until the pool got here. But do I have a pool? Do I really want a pool (not really, I don’t want to pay the maintenance), and so why again do I need all of these bathing suits? Much less a new one?
So while my usual approach is to hear music and think wow I need to go right now to iTunes and buy that, or hear of a book and go right to the bookstore and get it, or think of a piece of clothing and instantly need to fill out my already burgeoning wardrobe with it – I think this is all because I quit smoking in 1990 – I really do think I’m trying to get that one thing that will be my pacifier, at least for a moment, and still none of these things, not even the cigarette, can really numb the vibrations all around me.
And why would I want that anyway?
March 2nd, 2011 at 1:22 pm
Sprinklers work pretty well to cool you off after yard work…or just a plain garden hose. I think you’ve hit on something here in that we’re programmed by the advertising we’re bombarded with to want want want…. We had a pool in Las Vegas and yes it was very nice in that climate, but each year the maintenance was more and more a drag. We did it ourselves but each advancing year makes all that stuff more difficult. I’m just as happy without a pool here. We go to the community pool now and then and don’t worry about when we leave. You’re on the right track though. Save the money for the things you really love, like travel maybe?
March 3rd, 2011 at 11:52 am
Right on Alice