Sick of the bad press
Driving around town all I see are bumper stickers that say in living color – I LOVE NEW ORLEANS. I am so tired of the rest of the world thinking that we are pathetic down here. Today the New York Times printed this article – another unbelievably solipsistic view of what everyone would like to believe is truly going on down here. Run for the hills – New Orleans is flushing itself down the Mississippi toilet.
If you like reading this kind of stuff – check this out.
But I’d rather you check out the response my dear friend H had to my sending him the NYT article this morning:
Had the anecdotes used in this article been us, the title would have been, “New Orleanians investing their lives in city they love” or “Surprise! Some people actually like NOLA”. Man, these types of articles really piss me off. I could tell you what they’re about before I even read them, as they are written with a simple formula:
Although most articles are titled after they are written, there’s no need to wait. So, go ahead and title your article in oversimplified defining terms (e.g., New Orleanians Can’t Overcome History)
1. Start with anecdotal lead (mr. x and ms. y loved nola. but now that has changed.)
2. Cite a historical generalization that may or may not be relevant (“neighborhood x gets its name from a corrupt segregationist, an influence still seen today”).
3. Cite a commercial trend that would seem unusually bad to the rest of the US (e.g., housing sales highest since 1980… BFD!! 80 f–king percent were just destroyed… and sales are surprising?).
4. Get a second quote from another resident who has a grievance (such people person are not hard to find? e.g., “I haven’t had my trash picked up in weeks” or “when I was in Houston, none of the houses had mold”)
5. Quote a study that seems to prove that the anecdote and the grievances are everyone’s reality (be sure to ignore caveats or conflicting data or why the main subjects’ neighbors are rebuilding!). Do not go next door and find out why those people are staying. Do not interview people who are buying the houses.
6. Now briefly cite the conflicting data
7. Now quickly mention the lives of people such as murder victims or flood victims so that contrary data are ignored.
8. End with a quote dealing with the inevitable end of New Orleans as seen through the eyes of a “local”…
9. Hand into editor and suggest you will add any aspect of racism or poverty if he/she likes. Will also mention how great it is in Dallas. (Note, editor may want you to change Dallas to Houston).
Note that when your article gets syndicated the title will change: Whereas atlanta’s paper will read “New Orleans is history”, it will read “Lock your doors, New Orleanians may be moving to our town” in idaho’s papers. Also, be aware that many papers will run this on their front page. So, if you can throw in a quote from a chef or musician, that would be great; stereotypes are critical for the front page. Also, if you could book about 30 seconds to a minute on Fox or CNN to discuss your research in New Orleans, that would help the article as well. Regardless of the subject of your piece, bonus points are given to reporters who mention the following: Edwin Edwards, David Duke, Chocolate City, the racial makeup of any group of New Orleanians at any time, the cost of Mardi Gras, the dismember murder in the quarter, Money in freezers and Sea Level.
You now have your assignment. If anyone turns in an article that even attempts to critically evaluate the complexities of New Orleans life, culture and politics it will be deemed unacceptable for publication.