I’ve been reading what the experts say and it appears this coronavirus might have the tenacity to stick around forever. There is hope that some of us become immune and hope that someone will find a vaccine.
Today, I had to tell Tin that he is most likely not going back to school to finish 5th grade. Instead, there is going to be a lot more of me, the dog, the cat and the fish and online learning.
He can’t comprehend that he will not be running around at recess, laughing with his buddies, and having playdates. It’s not in his scope of imaginings.
Life is going to be very different for Gen C – these children growing up during a pandemic. It will be interesting to see what they make of it when they get to have the advantage of hindsight.
The Kabbalah speaks about an Angel assigned to you when you are in the womb to show you everything you will need to know to be able to complete your tikkun in this lifetime. But because our brains expand in many directions as we grow older, we simply don’t remember the soul memory – so to reignite remembering we can use one of the 72 names of God as a mantra. Breath in vav, breathe out shin, breathe in resh, breathe out.
Hebrew letters – right to left – Vav, Shin, Resh
My friend who is a life coach believes every one of us is born naturally creative, resourceful and whole.
To think we are hardwired to handle a pandemic – who knew? And yet, here we are, doing what we have to do, behaving in ways that we are unaccustomed, ditching dreams of the future for being present, and figuring it all out as it comes.
Kabbalah – the ancient Jewish tradition of mystical interpretation of the Bible
tikkun – Jewish concept of “mending the world”, applied more widely to ethical activism in contemporary society
There are silver linings to this pandemic. Families quarantined together are experiencing a closeness unknown before this time. Friends near and far are receiving text messages, emails, and Facetime/Zoom/Skype/What’sApp missives to stay safe and know they are loved.
The world seems smaller.
The dogs are getting walked.
The pantries are being cleaned.
We are capable of anything including:
Not making money
Not being physically close to people
Not freaking out
Teaching our own kids
Cooking three square meals a day out of what is in our cupboards
Washing our hands more times than we could have imagined
Not driving as much
Imagine how the planet is healing from this slowdown?
Imagine how this slowdown is rewiring our brains to:
Today was another day of undoing. I didn’t sleep all night so when I went back to bed at 5AM this morning, it was no surprise the next time I looked at the clock was 10AM.
That meant I was late for everything – getting Tin set up on school work, breakfast, which now felt almost like lunch, and on and on.
I managed to make two onion pies – help Tin through three chapters, multiple math lessons, science and then poof, the day was done.
The day had gone by in a blip – very little time to check the news and worry.
We watched the second Harry Potter movie and took Stella out for a walk.
In the night sky, the new moon suspended beneath Venus – the whole star studded backdrop with these heavenly bodies – the world seemed larger, more expansive – go check it out for yourself.
ORG XMIT: NCFAY101 The crescent moon and Venus make a striking pair in the western evening sky Tuesday, May 14, 2002, in this view made with a 600mm telephoto lens in Fayetteville, N.C. The upper portion of the moon is illuminated by ‘earthshine,’ or reflected light from the Earth. (AP Photo/The Fayetteville Observer, Johnny Horne)
NYT: At least 85,000 people have been infected in the United States. As states pleaded for supplies, the White House canceled a plan to produce thousands of ventilators.
NYT: New Orleans Faces a Virus Nightmare, and Mardi Gras May Be Why. Louisiana may be experiencing the world’s fastest growth in new cases.
I can’t remember when it was I realized that no one else takes the form of your parent – dad or mom – when they’re gone – there is nobody in power, authority or government going to save you.
If Tin has heard it once, he’s heard it a million times, the most vulnerable people who get the coronavirus are over 60.
Today, before starting a fresh new day, we went over why we hit so many snags yesterday. My friend, Susie, said I should have Tin draw, write or sing about what makes him scared, angry and sad. And then ask him what I can do for him.
It’s already started, I noticed when I was watching This is Us, I kept cringing as the characters were touching each other or as they touched doorknobs and counter tops that were not theirs.
Social distancing is already hard wired in my brain:
Unlike social media, here is a place I can speak the truth. Yesterday had many low points.
I woke with a great plan to take advantage of the Crosby Arboretum which has opened to the public. You can go be in nature and not be around anyone and I thought we needed to shake up our routine.
However, after Tin’s morning meeting he decided he wanted a huge breakfast – which I made – pancakes, eggs, sliced mango and banana. And after he ate, he didn’t want to go.
So we jumped right into school work. Only I learned the entire class is on Lesson 30 and Tin is on Lesson 7. What? So I sat with him to do his math lessons and by the time two and a half hours had gone by we were on Lesson 11 and I was pulling out my proverbial hair. Common Core math sucks – that’s my final word on it.
Then I gave him a break before we began ELA – we needed to read three chapters and answer questions. So he had time to play on his iPod and I made lunch – which for him was macaroni and veggie chili and for me was tunafish. After which, we barely got through the first of those chapters when he began fading out – not paying attention – staring out the window – by this time it was the afternoon and I was done playing teacher.
So then it was time for the bike ride. We met our group at Ann’s and rode down to the beach and out to the point where it’s rocky. Tin almost fell on his bike, and so I slowed to ride with him because I could tell he was embarrassed. We were going to ride back down the beach but he kept stopping. The group had flown by and so I slowed to see what was the matter. Then he began riding again. Then he completely stopped and I stopped, but when I went to balance, I fell over scraping the rest of my leg that wasn’t scraped from Stella pulling me down the concrete stairs to the beach the other day.
He said he was tired. I said let’s go home. He said but I’ve waited all day for this. I said that’s okay, we have tomorrow. I turned my bike to head home, the group had now far eclipsed us, and as I was about to get on it, he got on his bike and raced after them. Before I could get on, turn around, he was out of sight.
Lesson No. 1 in these quarantine times – put the oxygen mask over your own face. I had missed my walk with Stella because of his morning meeting. I had spent the day in His lessons. I had done nothing for Rachel and at the end of the day he left me in the dust. Today is my day.
Photo by Ann Madden – who was kind enough to bring him home knowing I could no longer deal with him being a jerk!
Know what else runs in my family – nurture and love. My mother was a nurse because she was a very caring human being. My grandmother (her mother) in her later years used to go to the hospital to rock babies. My cousins – male – have become nurses. I come from a long line of caregivers, which is why I am at my core – loved.
To all the nurses on the frontlines during this pandemic – I salute you for your tenacity, care and love. May you be protected from COVID_19 and your families be safe and healthy.
My mother met my father while she was a nurse at Southern Baptist in New Orleans.
I know a lot about coping with anxiety because I’ve had it all my life. I didn’t realize until I started addressing it that it is rampant in my family – on both sides. Since Jewish people overindex to anxiety, I thought I had inherited it from my father’s Sephardic side, but turns it out, it’s everywhere in my family tree.
What I’ve learned is that anxiety does not just happen. There is not an event that triggers it, it’s more insidious and keeps building and building till bang it paralyzes you. So I now know that when I start feeling anxious I have to address it at the onset – meditation, exercise, and positive thoughts. In my times of deepest darkness, I have flipped it. In 2018, I spent a year documenting at the same time every day a #positivememory because dark memories are easy to conjure, the positive ones get overshadowed.
Twitter: @RachelDanger·Sep 16, 2018#PositiveMemory – The a/c went out and it spiked inside to 95° and my friend Ann sent her husband Ed over to put in two window units. Bay Saint Louis community. It’s why we live here. #BaySaintLouis
Routine exercise is also very important. I went to go meet up with our quarantine friends for our 6PM bike ride. Tin had complained the day before that we didn’t ride long enough, and so I asked if he wanted to ride alone with me, and he said, “No way, we have to go meet Ann.” I told this to Ann and she said, “It’s more fun with friends.”
Anxiety Antidote #1: A long bike ride along the water with friends (at appropriate social distance, of course).
