Dangermond.org

I came across a bunch of inspirational cards that a friend in San Rafael had given me many moons ago. It was great opening a box of books where I was searching for my Haggadahs. We’re getting ready for Passover and the seder and I have an assortment of them that had gone missing. Inside one box were these cards and so I took them out and read each one and felt quite happy that I’m in a good place now.

I’ve been having close encounters of the interesting kind as of late. I met someone recently who I’ve met before but this time I saw him, I looked into his eyes and I saw his kind soul and I felt connected. I think it is that way with souls – sometimes the window opens. I spoke on the phone to a dear friend who I’ve loved from the time we met – he’s in a rough place now – and I felt an overflow of love for him as we spoke and I told him so. I said I love you and he said I love you back. Our birthdays are near and we are going to go celebrate even though he does not feel too social.

It’s been an odd day. A man stopped me on the street and said he’s seen me around and he wanted to tell me how much he thinks I’m beautiful and he held my hand and asked for a hug and all that was going on and then he said, “I’ll be truthful with you, I’m married.” And I dipped my sunglasses and looked in his eyes and said, “And I’ll be truthful with you, I don’t mess around with married men.” Later, another incident happened where a woman pulled up behind me and got out of the car and said she has been seeing me around and she wanted to give me this card that she’s had on her dashboard for a while now – it’s her mother who has alopecia and she started a foundation to help young girls with alopecia accept their baldness rather than hide under wigs – her whole life is dedicated to bald is beautiful and she just wanted to tell me that I’m beautiful.

Well I tell you – it’s been a day.

And I came home to watch my two little pups scamper around the backyard. I turned down dinner at the Taco truck for my PJ shorts and a big oversized tee shirt another friend left me when he visited from LA – I turned the Taco truck down for some much needed rest.

And have I mentioned, it’s been a day?

I’m always on the sunny side of the street, and even told the first therapist I ever saw that I felt like I had sunshine on my shoulder and was pretty happy most of the time. She told me that I succumbed to magical thinking. She didn’t mean it kindly, but the fact of the matter is I think it’s true – still. I am the manifestation of the bumper sticker MAGIC HAPPENS.

My life ain’t rosy and to quote Langston Hughes, it ain’t been no crystal stair either. But then again, as my birthday approaches – another revolution around the sun – I’m beginning to like when it’s not rosy just as much as when it is. I’ve had all the childhood elements of what normally sends people to the therapist’s couch – alcoholic parent, rage-oholic parent, as well as family psychosis, secrets, and cray cray, and I survived it all pretty much unscathed.

Of course, and then, it felt like I didn’t. My whole body just shut down two years ago and literally my hair fell out and my financial world collapsed and all that I had feared might happen happened. And there I was.

There is a diagnosis for what I had – it all falls under the umbrella of fear. I can’t tell you what I feared, this blog post couldn’t hold that long a list, but I can tell you a lot of what I’ve feared in my life has come to pass. No kidding.

So now, almost as a matter of practice, I have taken to appreciating the weeds in my garden, the ones I used to furiously pull out and toss. And these weeds are so beautiful in their ordinary way.

I took a few shots of the weeds in my backyard. There is a vine with tiny purple flowers clinging to the fence and there are a smattering of daisy varieties (daisy fleabane pictured here) growing from under the house and in the interstitial space between me and my neighbor.

The cat’s claw on the back wall was almost eradicated by me – I was going to pay Joe $150 to get rid of it but he never showed up and time passed, and one day I learned to love the vine that threatens to take down brick and mortar (that’s what cat’s claw does). But I gave the wall to the claw – HAVE IT, it’s yours, I told the vine and so as thanks, the vine sent me buttercup flowers this spring.

IT’S UNCANNY!

Stella peed on the floor the other day and I said, “Arlene!” It is uncanny how much Stella looks like Arlene and how I keep feeling like a new chapter is being written just having this puppy in my life.

It took a long time for Arlene to get bladder control and to learn about going pissy piss outside. Stella seems to be following in her footsteps. I was showing a photograph of Arlene to my friend and she said it is downright creepy how much they look like each other.

Just like everything else in life, I knew the right puppy would come into my life – when it’s right it’s right – you know it.

This is Arlene on the left (with Samm):

This is Stella: