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Last night, I sat on the porch with friends after Tin was in bed and we looked at the night sky with the half moon and Venus and Mars glowing in the inky blackness of the dark. The evening had become successful despite its auspicious beginnings. Tin’s hesitancy about having an adoption birthday celebration gave way to a loving and tender child hugging his godfather unexpectedly, digging his bridge and tunnel train set that goes with the one friends had purchased him for his birthday, and loving his chocolate cake. We couldn’t have asked for a better result.

When we were at swimming earlier, he told the group it is his adoption birthday and the instructor told him she too was adopted and that when she was growing up they called it her homecoming celebration. He chose to stick to “adoption birthday” as the name. Also encouraging.

I woke this morning more at ease with where we all are in our process of becoming. The Synthroid is fading from my body and I’m also not about to walk off the planet like I have been feeling for so long now I can’t remember normal. I’m juggling a lot right now, something I have to remind myself when I start spinning.

Yesterday, Tatjana and I were speaking to someone about our life together. The person said it sounded like whack a mole – where every time we thought we had finished one challenge, another one popped up, and that we were both poised, mallets in hand, whacking away at all the stress that has come to us in our five years together. Our relationship too is in the process of becoming and it would be nice to experience it without a mallet in hand.

The house is so calm now that Loca is in the country. Rachel is more calm now that Synthroid is out of the equation. Tin is more calm now that he has experienced his adoption birthday celebration. And now it’s onward and upward.

I can only describe Hashimoto’s as the following:

You are an experienced surfer and you go out each day to ride the waves and one day there is a 20 footer and within minutes it changes to calm. Suddenly you look down and realize you are not on a surfboard but a toaster and your feet are so hot you jump into the water, but it is icy cold, and then you manage to find your surfboard and suddenly there are fifty people surfing toe to toe and they are yelling at the top of their lungs, and then you see a wave and you position your surfboard and you wipe out, and then you are surfing again, but this time, you are on a rocket ship that is headed to Mars and you can’t slow it down and then you are paddling back to shore and you get there and you are so exhausted you realize you lost your surfboard and have been treading water and getting nowhere.

That is why when I ran into neighbors at Rouse’s yesterday getting the ingredients for Tin’s chocolate cake and they all asked how come I wasn’t at the Re-Bridge gala on Saturday night, I was happy when the host himself, Frank, who has a thyroid condition said, “Sensory overload, I know all about it.” And I was relieved that at least one person understood me.

I kicked the Synthroid habit yesterday and now feel as if my thyroid is a big lump in my throat. I ran into a friend yesterday who got fired from her job, unexpectedly, and I said, I’m sorry and congratulations. She said she will go back to being a musician and I said you will find yourself much happier.

I’ve looked at my colleagues who have left the last company I worked at and they have regained who they are, musician, journalist, and writer. I always say that my last company brought together a group of talented creatives and then try to stomp the creativity right out of them. So even for those of us (moi) who are slow to embrace change, change is going to pry our white knuckles right off and force us to confront who we really are.

I went from frustration and boredom to overwhelming transition to following the creative path towards my heart’s desire. How did this happen? Change.

It is what it is. Whatyagonnado? Embrace it.

Friday ended a week that felt like an avalanche of good and pesky things. My blood tests showed I’m creating antibodies that are both suppressing and boosting my thyroid – hence the Battle Royale that I’ve felt from the inside out. So my doctor has taken me off Synthroid to sort of flush out my system and start at Square One.

Meanwhile, last night we went to see a friend’s premiere of her documentary on immigrants in the U.S. and we also stepped into the Ogden to see a NOLA Photo exhibit where Epaul Julien was showing his work. The pieces he had in the show were recreations of Dutch masterpieces through a multicultural lens. The Girl with the Pearl Earring – Asian, Rembrandt’s artist an African American.

And so has been the theme of my week – two different images vying for the same spotlight.

Tin’s been moaning about his adoption birthday celebration, he doesn’t want it, so we are toning down the event. He’s been dealing with his identity as an African American child because he doesn’t understand it. I’ve been steeped in race and culture and parenting and I feel so bereft of core information that I’ve been swimming against the tide.

Work is piling up hand over fist. Tatjana is getting ready for her two weeks sojourn to Croatia. On and on this week has gone till when Friday arrived and I was sitting in the lab giving my blood I felt as if my insides and outsides are not on the same page.

I bought tickets to see the Dali Lama who is coming next May. I entered an application to present at a workshop in California for Waldorf.

Sometimes everything spins and that’s okay. Sometimes the odds are overwhelmingly stacked against you and yet you persist and start seeing twinkling lights at the end of your tunnel.

My wish is be off medication for good. Let’s see how the old jalopy handles the weeks ahead.