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As my days have evened out, my nights and dream state have turned into a topsy turvy world of fantastical landscapes that make Gotham City look bright and perils awaiting at every turn if only I (we) knew which way to turn. Almost as though a whole other life is being lived.

Or perhaps it is just the mind’s way of digesting sort of the way Tin has to recount his entire day – real or imagined – before he goes to sleep at night. There are nights we hear him on the video singing to his heart’s content for sometimes up to two hours – it’s bizarre – or the nights he just has the conversation with Zebra, Leonardo the cat, Evan the alligator, Nina the turtle, about his day. Long, winding tales of friends and fantasy or conflict or he is simply leading a marching band and asking everyone to join in.

I wonder if he dreams to such intensity as I do?

Last night, I was putting dollar bills on the counter to buy a cup of coffee (which I don’t drink in my waking life) and then following friends outside while a phone call arrived from Zagreb sounding more like the Kremlin saying you must send money now for diz room or else, and meanwhile Tatjana who was arriving any moment was lost and the slogging began – slogging here, slogging there – always slogging.

Oh, to dream of leading a marching band.

Aunt Deb who remembered Tin’s birthday

The “original” Gingerbread’s smooth jazzy voice and big heart

Tin’s love of stealing Mama’s Pirate’s Booty

Meaux Bar’s simply divine food and proprietors

Bayou St John and neighbors (and crawfish)

The ease in which lifetime friendships are formed here

Kitty Whiskers and Angel’s Trumpets planted by my friend and artist Marcela Singleton

A network of creatives who sustain me (thanks Anne) – The Louise Logs

April 09, 2012
Taurus (4/20-5/20)
Today, a vague promise someone made to you long ago is finally starting to turn into a solid deal — you are about to get something you have been wanting for a while. Celebrate by doing something that you feel passionate about, something that lets you be loose and uninhibited. You’ll get bonus points for doing something physical. This is a great time to go out dancing, play some ball with your friends, or enjoy a long and challenging hike.

Yesterday, I found myself at the Zen center learning the ropes on a Catholic holiday in the midst of Passover. A whole lot of shaking going on and I realized yet again, that there are rituals and chanting and incense and reverence that all align under the same heading – but it’s the meditation that draws me there as well as the broad view more than the touchstones. I looked down to see what the Zen monk was reading and it was something like Buddhism is not what you think. Perception.

Meanwhile, the day was chilled out and there was a lot of porch hanging going on as it was just gorgeous – sun shining, temperature perfect, and the bayou was strangely sparse of people, dogs, and kids as everyone was elsewhere for Easter brunches/lunches etc. Later in the day after lazying around and reading on the sofa (me) or napping (the rest of the house), we went to take our stroll on the bayou with the dogs, and the bike, and ran into friends who took the walk with us and Tin played with his friend and her bike, and we ran into more friends who had gathered on the Magnolia Bridge on this beautiful afternoon and Tin’s friend said let’s have a perception party!

And so we did, and what we perceived was all is right with the world – a friend said, “Isn’t it so great that these kids get to grow up on the bayou,” as Tin and Ruby hugged each other on the bridge. And no one thought too much about my balding head but I got another good hug from a dear friend who said that she was sorry about the whole thing. And we spoke about unlearning all you have learned and starting over.

Later we came home and watched a bad movie after bathing Tin and getting his hair all nice and washed. Inside Man – it had such good reviews but it was slow and pointless and too clever albeit star studded and Spike Lee directing. I wish instead we would have simply watched another episode of Doc Martin that we are thoroughly enjoying on our Roku box.

Nevertheless, Lent is over and so is abstinence. I had a lovely glass of rose and yummy orzo with lemon and asparagus that Tatjana had made for dinner. Tomorrow is another day, and the day had been pleasant all the way around.

The thin salt and pepper matzo is a nice update on the fatter, less salty variety I grew up with – although putting butter and sugar on it like I did as a child probably isn’t as good. “Did you have a seder?” “Did you go to a seder?” No, actually I haven’t had or been to one since I became dis-invited from my brother’s seder years ago. And I am the youngest child, who begs the question, but that is a different matter.

Today is Easter Sunday and I imagine all white fluffy bunny goodness as well as eggs of many colors – but that too doesn’t live at this house – so off I trot or hop to meditation at the zen center down the street, where visions of nothingness dance in my head and my baldness is de rigueur.

Floating on a dream, risen from the dead, back in the saddle again.

Today Tatjana gave me my birthday gift early – the gift of friendship – a ticket to Nantucket. Six years ago, my dear friend asked me to join her and her friends in Nantucket and I went, even though I was bit hesitant to be trapped on an island with girls I had never met before. That trip proved to be an awakening – I grew addicted to their friendship, to the annual pilgrimage, to Nantucket, and to the whole notion of a girls’ trip.

I have a ticket in my hand and am going – smoke on my heels, as my friend is want to say – for my own girls’ trip to Paradise!

Hail to the Girls’ Trip! If you don’t have one planned for this year, what are you waiting for?

Hallelujah:

Hallelujah:

Hallelujah:

I realized that I have become utterly flawed by a few comments that I am want to say when offered the opportunity.

Comment #1 – San Francisco made me ambitious. Having moved there I realized I could not be the bohemian I had thought I would be but instead had to join the rat race because it was do or die there. To afford to live and partake in the rich mercantile lifestyle of a true San Franciscan, one needed money. And lots of it. So began my life of working my ass off and of making money.

Juxtapose this with:

Dream #1 – to live in a studio apartment in the French Quarter and write.

Now collapse this with the following knowledge:

Fear #1 – if I lose my job, I will lose this house, and everything I have worked for, become, who I am, etc. etc. etc.

AND

Idea #1 – Working hard to live a certain way that is contrary to my nature is wrong. Solidly wrong. No one has paid me (yet) to blog every day for the last 8 years, I do it because I am compelled to it – blogging is my thing. I also have a creative streak in me that rewards me more for finding unique solutions than for settling for conventional ones.

Prescription: Follow that instinct.

Old ways:
Eight to ten hours in front of the computer
Fear of being untethered to a digital object
Anxiety over tomorrow

New ways:
Sit on back porch in the sunshine
Read a book
Take a walk

Re-grooving happening over here – it is not without fits and starts, but, oh, it is a worthwhile endeavor.

Okay, I felt like I needed a night out and I got one! Or I crammed about twenty into one last night. We went to the classic M&M party and boogied down into the wee hours and now I’m paying the price. Tin woke up before we did. I couldn’t get to Zumba because the Crescent City Classic run has blocked all streets leading there. So here are my thoughts:

1) I’ve been sneaking a cig here and there to calm my nerves. I’m stopping that today.

2) I had a talk with a long time mentor of mine this morning – he showed me the light. I see the light.

3) I missed Zumba but I danced all night, so I already had my Zumba.

4) Never stay out late when you have a 3 year old who will wake you up early!

I’m about to untether and go outside to walk the dogs and see what this beautiful day is all about, but I wanted to pass along a TED video that Rev. Haller suggested last night in his talk – it is simply amazing:

Today the sun is out in all its glory and yes the earth does revolve around the sun, so the sun didn’t necessarily come up, but still it’s a day that is a day for being grateful.

A friend was running passed the house and stopped for a water – “Your house is amazing!” she said as she was thanking me.

My neighbor said, “You won’t be happy anywhere else.”

Amazing, isn’t it?