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I was able to get a minute’s worth of my own work together yesterday morning and then headed out to the first day and first ever Thursday of French Quarter Festival. There was a breeze and bright sunshine and I walked to the French Quarter leaving behind the stress of parking and cars and all that jazz. I flitted around the stages not hearing anything that made me want to plant myself and sit a spell.

In Jackson Square I looked around at all the food booths and opted for wheat pies stuffed with crawfish and then got a mango daiquiri and flitted around some more.

At the end of it all, I had burned out on people, too heavy food, and music that was mediocre, and so I walked home.

Is it me? Or was it worth having an extra day? Is it me, or even on this beautifully breezy and moderately warm day, people were hovering under the thin guise of shade wherever they could find it? Is it me or does this city need more shade opportunities, or what?

I came home and missed Zumba because I was just too dog tired to do much of anything else even though my first intent was to go to the signing of In Exile at the Maple Street and then eat at Fatoush at the Healing Center, but I gave up that option knowing I needed a little Zumba. Much like having missed birding in City Park the other morning because my intent was to go to Zumba but then not being able to get there because of the Crescent City Connection, I feel like I sort of keep tripping over myself as I try to edit my choices down to the most simple.

This too shall pass.

I finished Jobs’ biography and I have had a tumultuous time with it, with him, and the whole notion of genius. I remember my Apple II sitting in the living room in that white particle board all in one shelves, desk, return etc. My Apple II – I remember that I had written several novellas and my floppy disk failed and I lost all of my writing and I got down on my hands and knees and said, “WHY WHY WHY.”

Today I found a cartoon I had cut out many years ago that had a man sitting at a desk while behind him sits book shelves laden with books and an angel cruising by the window – “Write about what you know. Write about how writing ruined your life.”

At the end of the biography Isaacson included Jobs’ final words about his life and one thing stood out – Jobs said, “When the sales guys run the company, the product guys don’t matter so much and a lot of them just turn off” – the similarities are amazing. I worked for a man that was a lot like Jobs – not nice but amazing. When he left control a power vortex was absorbed by salespeople and the company was forever changed.

I have seen accountants and bean counters ruin a company (large corporations that I have covered), I’ve experienced how a company can turn itself inside out having the cart come before the horse, and I scratch my head over these inanities and have definitely been vocal about them.

But at the end of the day, I am a writer, and not concerned with the business of getting and spending where we lay waste our powers. It does bother me that these geniuses are not good fathers, and are not nice people. Yes there are many clever arguments as to why parenting and geniality are not paramount to creativity and progress. I also don’t believe these nasty geniuses should be medicated either.

Steve Jobs was an amazing genius of our time, but when I read about his daughter Erin and Eve who were sort of dismissed out there while he created all of these devices, I wonder how much the wreckage in his wake was worth the products he invented. Have we a better world because of them? Maybe that question is better left to those girls or even to Lisa, his firstborn who he abandoned a long time ago.

Another day to give into what is before you – a child out of school on spring break and therefore, the beach. We drove to Pass Christian in Mississippi and along the way stopped at Dong Fuong bakery for Vietnamese sandwiches to bring as our picnic on Henderson Beach. For a nice change, someone else drove, and we took a circuitous route through the Irish Bayou, and then over the Rigolets to enter Mississippi from the backdoor or the bayou door. Along the way we saw camps that all had our names on them – a retreat, a place for respite, a fantasy place to leave your Winnebago and boat.

The beach was ours save for a group of kids who appeared to be immersed in some circular kumbaya a ways from us but then towards the afternoon the beer arrived and so innocence lost yet again. We instead made castles, swam in the copper colored water, ate our sandwiches and sticky rice and chilled and then got in the truck and drove home – everyone napping except (hopefully) the driver.

One hour a way and yet worlds apart.

I was speaking to a friend I met in the cyberworld the other day and we decided we are sisters from different mothers. And so it goes in life that you meet people, near you, far away from you, virtually, and even in books and so your life becomes this full tapestry of riches.

Last night in preparing for a dinner party here at the LaLa which was wishing fare thee well to one of T’s colleagues who has gotten a great position elsewhere, one who has received tenure here, and others a thank you for help on recent projects that I got a phone call out of the blue – an ex colleague and friend who has always blazed a path totally of his own making – he said he was calling to check in on me and see that I’m okay. Yes, thank you. And thank you.

Similarly, I received an email from an ex colleague and friend who was checking in from the West Coast – similarly, thank you, and thank you.

In my hour of need, I close my eyes and reach out my fingertips and all around me are friends nibbling, caressing, tickling, and holding my hand.

Now let us thank our friends.

Okay, so I was living Plan A and plotting Plan B but WHO KNEW that I would bypass B and be on C but that’s how life is – curve balls you least suspect or they are curve balls because you least suspect. Anyway, Plan C – code named for Constantin a/k/a Tin is the new plan. See I waited 50 years until I was given a son, not unlike Sarah in the Bible, and I have been trying to make my life before Tin fit into my life with Tin and it is not working.

I realized this when I was trying to do two jobs plus three community projects and watch my son. I realized I was having a nervous breakdown.

Oh yeah, I realized this, but it wasn’t until my hair fell out that I realized Plan B was not going well at all. Not at all.

So I looked at Tin and saw my child who needed me, and I looked at my life and saw that other things would have to wait, and I decided to put Plan B in abeyance, go with Plan C, and completely bury Plan A.

So there you have it – pragmatic, flexible, able to see things for what they are. No reality distortion here – just keeping it real.

So Tin out of school all week – no problem – today ZOO!

A – I don’t know why I can’t leave a message on your website anymore – it’s not recognizing my own password on WordPress and the only alternative is to sign in via Facebook (blech) – BUT I love larb and have never had tofu larb – any chance you have the recipe – I looked it up online and couldn’t find it!

Also greetings! R

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I don’t know either, Rachel. I think wordpress may be tired of me freeloading. They change things a lot without asking me, but so far I just go along for the ride. I’ve been focusing less on blogging and more on getting back in shape for awhile anyway, but I’m not ready yet to throw in the towel. I’ve also joined a writing group . . . I think I’m just plain tired of trying to write stuff others will like. I’m getting selfish in my old age I guess.

About larb, P and I were talking about this and he’s asked me to find a recipe so we can try it at home. Like you, I’ve found the choices for larb specifically are limited, but I was thinking about getting a list of the spices and general techniques and try a seat o’the pants style to see what I could come up with. I haven’t gotten that far yet, but I suspect I will soon. Then I remembered my daughter (the gourmet cook btw) made a meatless version using tofu awhile back. I don’t think it was perfect but I remember it being in the right direction. I think she adapted a recipe from a cookbook she has. I’ll check with her to see what/where/therefore and I’ll let you know what I come up with. So I’ll be in touch soon I hope.

Say hello to the family for me. A

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Thanks A – I too find myself at a crossroads – I’m overextended for community work, I’m trying to start my company, I’m consulting for an ex colleague (for money), I’m renting out the house – my hair has fallen out and I’m just not sure what to do but don’t think it is this.

I want to make and eat larb – but trying to figure out how to find my way into writing is something different – maybe almost a decade blogging is enough. A woman I know just wrote a book called My Bayou and I have to say almost enviously, hey, that was my book to write.

I just keep thinking that if I just hang in there and not push too hard in any direction but instead learn how to enjoy life and relax that all of what I’m supposed to be doing will make itself known.

I have been in one too many writing groups that almost sucked the life out of me.

I’d say the best thing is to find something to write about and focus on it rather than the loose form that blogging provides.

Hello to hubby and if daughter can come up with a recipe I know we would LOVE it. And if I find something I’ll let you know. R

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Rachel – I’ve been sitting on this for a couple of weeks now, thinking every day (around 3 a.m. when I’d wake up and it popped into my mind) that I should send this recipe. It’s actually a basic recipe for a meat larb but M tried it–or one similar to it–and it turned out very well. She simple mashed the firm tofu with a masher and used it as if it were a ground sausage. It’s the spices and blend of flavors that make it work for me. I’m attaching it as a word document, but should you have problems opening it or prefer, I can resend it by pasting it directly to another email. Just say the word.

I’m sorry I haven’t been commenting on your post recently. I am overwhelmed sometimes with trying to keep up . . . sometimes go for days without blogging activity of any kind. I have been reading yours in catchup mode and it struck me reading it this way how much it feels like I’m reading a book. I don’t know if you intended using it that way, but I got a mail from a self-publish wordpress blogger–you may have seen the same one–in which he tells about gleaning his best posts and weaving them into a theme that turned into a book. Yours seems like a constant journey to self-discovery to me and I’m hoping you’re planning to publish someday. You have the knack for sure. Anyhow, just wanted you to know I’m still around, and constantly sending good vibes subliminally (that’s not the right word but I’m sure you know what I mean) your way. You’re a brave young–yes young, though I know it may not feel like it now–woman, and I really admire you all the success. You’ve accomplished everything on your own. I often feel blessed at how my life has gone . . . you’ve made your way yourself. You should be really proud of yourself. That’s all for now. Keep writing. I’ll be around to check on you even if you don’t see or hear me at times.

* * * *
A – the other night I was at a party and I ran into this woman I had met years earlier at the same people’s party. She came up to me, and circled around, and said, “I know you.” And I couldn’t place her, and then she realized who I was – she had been reading my blog for years but said, “I thought you were fatter!” Ha!

I ran into her again at their party a few years later and she introduced me to someone and said, “You should definitely read her blog, it’s good.” And I was OF COURSE flattered. But this happened at a time when I was at a crossroads and wondered if I should keep blogging or not. So it was more than just flattery – it was encouragement to continue.

Then I saw her the other night and she was with first and fore most a new and hunky boyfriend but also with a friend and said, “Hey, this is Rachel – whose blog I told you to read.” And that woman was also complimentary and so again, encouragement.

I’ve read of these books and actually at one point when I was making money and my niece needed some, I asked her to pull my blog into Blurb – particularly as it had begun to be a mini history for Tin and so I thought it would be good to give it to him as a piece of our history. But she soon got busy with starting college and her own projects and so that never got done.

The part of your note that of course I like the best is the young part! . . . mothers get a lot of short shrift and now that I’m one of them, every day I could kick myself for not having appreciated my own more – oh I was a good daughter, and sometimes a better daughter than my mother was a mother, but I’m talking about appreciating her sacrifices because she made many so I might have this self fulfilling, self actualizing life.

Btw I’ve noticed on other sites now that if you don’t log on through Twitter or Facebook it is almost impossible to get in as yourself or through WordPress – very annoying.

I’m going to try this laab recipe with the tofu – it’s getting to be the season for just this type of food. Thanks for getting me the recipe. I was able to open it just fine and have printed it already.

I won’t ask why you are up at 3am – I’m at least back to sleeping well at night (and god knows I need it).

A – I really appreciate that my blog and yours have introduced us to each other – I’m reading about Steve Jobs right now and sometimes I wonder about all this technology and what it has wrought on our life, but then when I think of how it brings people in far away places together, I think of it in a more positive light. I just met another blogger in a similar fashion. Mudd Lavoie. Lots of love, R

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Basic laab (or larb) recipe
1-2 Servings, Prep Time: 10 Minutes, Total Time: 15 Minutes

• 1/4 tablespoon ground dried chili pepper
• 5 sprigs sliced cilantro
• 3 tablespoons fish sauce
• 1/2 lbs ground pork
• 1-2 limes
• 1/4 thinly sliced shallot
• 1 tablespoon toasted rice
• 3 sprigs spearmint (optional)
• 1 sliced green onion (optional)

Tips and Techniques

Substitute any ground meat for ground pork. (or tofu)

Substitute red onion or just onion for shallot if you like.

The spearmint adds zing to the laab.

For this dish, many people use a small pot but I use my cast iron pan. I can heat it up really hot without destroying the pan. It also retains heat well and heats evenly.

Squeeze juice from 1/3 of the lime on to the ground pork. Mix well and let it marinate for just a couple of minutes until you are ready to cook it.

Heat up a pan on high until it is very hot. Add two tablespoons of water and then immediately add your marinated pork and stir. The pork will stick to the pan at first, but then the juice will come out and the meat will loosen from the bottom. Keep stirring until the pork is well done. Traditionally, the pork is undercooked, but I do not recommend undercooking pork for health reasons.

Put the pork in a bowl a large mixing bowl that will hold all the ingredients. Add fish sauce, green onion, shallot, cilantro, the rest of the lime juice, ground chili pepper and almost all of toasted rice into the bowl. Save some toasted rice to sprinkle on top for garnish. Mix well and taste. It should be a little bit hot. You should be able to taste tartness from the lime juice and the fish sauce. If you need to add more fish sauce or lime juice, don’t be afraid. Getting the flavor balance right is a trial and error process.
Put the mixed ingredients in a serving bowl, garnish with spearmint and sprinkle the rest of toasted rice on top. Serve with vegetables like cabbage, green beans, lettuce and Thai basil.

*ROASTED RICE POWDER (khao kua in Thai):
This handy condiment from northeast Thailand, Laos, and Vietnam is simple to prepare and adds good flavor as well as a slight but very pleasing texture to cooked salads. Make up a batch and keep handy for sprinkling on cooked vegetables and other soft foods as you please.

¼ cup Thai sticky rice or jasmine rice

Heat a heavy skillet over medium high heat. Add the rice and dry-roast, stirring frequently to prevent sticking and burning, until it is an all-over golden brown. Transfer to a spice grinder, coffee grinder, or mortar and grind to a powder. Let cool completely. Store in a well-sealed glass jar. Makes about ¼ cup powder.

Evan Christopher is playing at Cafe Istanbul on Saturday, April 14th – Suleyman stopped by to chat on the porch this afternoon and said everyone is talking about this show. As well they should be. I missed Evan and Chuck Perkins at the Mint the other day and I’m still kicking myself.

Sunday, April 15th – Evan’s doing his Jazz Brunch at Clever again – if you haven’t been, you’ve never been to a JAZZ brunch like this one. It’s JAZZ and it’s Brunch and one does not compete with the other – they both are stand alone fabulous. Hey it’s tax day and maybe you might get a refund this year – what better way than to spend it on yourself – treat yourself to Jazz.

Then Monday night you can catch Evan again at Chickie Wah Wah (7:30 till) for an International Jam Session.

Did you know that Evan is appearing as himself at Jazz Fest this year – yes, this is the first year he is the billing. Okay, yeah, we know, he has deserved it forever, but it’s nice to know that Jazz Fest finally recognizes him for who he is – a damn good clarinetist.

So if you want to hear some fantastic jazz and you’re in New Orleans and you simply can’t handle the crowds at French Quarter Fest check out Cafe Istanbul Saturday night or wake up to JAZZ on Sunday morning, or have a beer and chill out at Chickie Wah Wah Monday night.

Now you have JAZZ JAZZ JAZZ.

I heard someone say that their mother always told them, “When you don’t know what to do, don’t do nothing.”

When I’m at my lowest, I want to knock on someone’s door, ring them on the phone, stand there face to face and ask them what I should do next? These are the times I miss my mom most because despite most things, she was a good sounding board. But I always know when I have hit rock bottom, because I want to ask someone else to tell me what to do with my life.

I asked Tatjana’s mother what to do the other day and she said, “Only you know.”

The denouement of my 19th nervous breakdown has brought relative calm and I am no longer asking, I’m just surfing. My Chinese fortune cookie said, “Never give up until you reach the finish line.”

Uh, okay.

So he tells me he is and will always be blue collar. “The most I ever made was $43,000 one year and that job came and went before I had time to let my feet hit the ground.” He seems gay but has been with his wife since they were 15 years old. Her sister’s child called him Daddy since the sister passed so young, and then now calls him Uncle Daddy. She’s mixed race, but the boy is black as night. The girl was the only child he has ever held. Now she is dying of the same thing that killed her mama. Tumors have taken over her body and she’ll die. She’s not a little girl anymore, but she’s his little girl, at 33 years old.

“I’m getting off the meds for the first time in four years, the doctor asked me why and I said, because I don’t have anything making me nervous anymore.”

He looks me square in the eye and says, “When you make $33,000 a year, you don’t have far to fall so it keeps you sane.”

Amen.

There is a voice in the Universe urging us to remember our purpose for being on this great Earth. This is the voice of inspiration, which is within each and every one of us.
Wayne Dyer