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The Cat in the Hat ends with the question What would you do if your mother asked you? And so it is that I puzzle over what to do with a person who has some real problem that I can’t seem to mitigate.

PROBLEM – hyper sensitive and hyper caring person continues to use the n-word almost Tourettes-style and doesn’t respond to my discouragement. Copralia affects about 10% of Tourettes sufferers and manifests itself in repeated stereotype socially unacceptable word usage – this has to be it because I cannot fathom that this is normal. This is an intelligent person who obviously has a malfunction but is also hyper sensitive to criticism and proximity makes simple avoidance impossible.

Protecting my child from insult might be best accomplished by explaining the disease but right now my son doesn’t know why he is offended he just primally responds as if he were offended. Smart boy. But what to do to put said person out of my misery?

Ten hours ago I headed to bed and to read – check. Last night Tin came in the bathroom as I washed my face and spotted Mick Jagger on the cover of an old NYT magazine and asked, Who’s that? I said Mick Jagger from a rock and roll band called the Rolling Stones and he laughed and said, “No that’s Mama.”

Insomnia took over last night as lists danced in my mind as well as holiday lyrics the likes of “hang your head down Rudy hang your head down low” and I woke this morning to the full court press of getting dogs walked – Tatjana off to Croatia – Tin picked up and to the park then home and fed and nap and work and suddenly I felt like whoaza – what happened?

Sitting by the TV fire now and drinking hot mint tea and contemplating the entire bed waiting for me in my new Old Navy flannel pajamas and a night – I hope – of dreams.

At my mother’s memorial service I said that she saw the world through Chardonnay colored glasses, and my sibling gasped. While I don’t advocate a lubricated life by any means, I do avow adjusting the lens makes all the difference in the world.

Start with the statistics, right now in the United States, there are 13.3 million unemployed people. Ageism is at work everywhere not just because employers are ageists, more importantly these are the ones whose salaries have been on the rise for years, and so represent the highest paid. So they are being replaced by the lowest paid. Do you know how many sources, clients, and friends I have that have lost their jobs or fear losing their jobs at this very moment – too many to count here.

Now move to the reality – change is good. Everybody has been stuck on a treadmill huffing and puffing their way to the next pair of shoes or second home or what have you, and honestly, I don’t believe anyone is happy. Instead, like Jimmy Carter is often quoted as saying, we are in a malaise. Or let’s just call this a fat depression. Because I don’t hear apathy amongst my comrades I hear despair.

So let’s just say the doctor comes in and flips the lens and says, now what do you see? And let’s say the lens is this filter – you have been stuck in a job that is not serving you or the people you work for because everyone has lost sight of what they are aspiring to be or do in this world. You have been fired – you are scared you will lose your house – you are worried about your children’s future – you are frankly paralyzed by all the uncertainty that is around you.

To quote Chevy Chase in Caddyshack – “Stop thinking…let things happen…and be…the ball.”

The lens you need in your life is faith, faith that you are worthy, that things will be okay, and that the worst case scenario is even not that bad. Allow yourself to sit with pen and paper (or keyboard) and push yourself to confront the worst case scenario and then when you see it on paper – take a deep breath. Because the scales fell from my eyes a few months ago and I have not looked back – my mother died two years ago, my city almost flooded six years ago, my long marriage ended and I never gave birth to a child, and guess what I got fired from my job that I worked so hard at for so long and GUESS WHAT?

The sun came up this morning, the bayou was lapping against the shore, a pelican was circling for food, I saw friends in the park, one who wants to adopt a child (like Tin!), and life has a way of inspiring you – and I would say inspiring you more in its adversity than ever in its waxing states, so adjust the lens, take a deep breath, and just go with the flow (even if it looks like it is going down the drain).

There is so much beauty in the world, in the souls of our loved ones, in life, blink and you might miss it.

It’s December 5th in case anyone forgot to tell you and that means this year is nearing the finish line and none too soon let me say. At the end of this year, I end my career with OTR Global and start my next career with all the joy and verve that took me down the last long road.

The great thing about today is that I followed my fake it till you make it philosophy – I went over to get my photo taken by my favorite photographer, Marc Pagani. I was neither in the mood or in the spirit to have myself photographed – what with feeling like a tick on a pregnant dog and having a stomach ache from all the revelry of late. But I put a big old smile on my face and stood there under the lights and took the photo of my future.

Then I came back and got my last report in for OTR and took a big sigh of relief.

Onward and upward my friends – the future is so bright I have to wear shades (that and I must cover my puffy eyes).

I was trying to get from Point A to Point B the other day as Tin was dawdling, his favorite pastime – I told him I was going to pick him up and carrying him if he didn’t bust a move and get with it and he chanted, “Bust a move, bust a move.” I just looked at him – impossible to move a toddler any faster, it is the equivalent of herding feral cats.

My friend sent me this video and it just felt like a big thump whack on the head. Already I am telling Tin do you remember? Do you remember when I gave you a bottle, do you remember when you slept in a crib, do you remember that tomorrow, December 6th, is the two year anniversary of when I first laid eyes on you? Do you remember? I do.

Oh yes, I do.

Frankly, I’ve tried to make this weekend one where I could relax and even perhaps snatch some time alone as T is leaving for Croatia this coming Wednesday for two weeks and Tin is out of school come the 19th, which means not only no T, but 24/7 T2 six days in a row! Oo la la.

Because the weekend started out the gate with a roar with Friday night trying to compete with Thursday night, and then Saturday morning rush to jump in the bayou and plant wetland grasses, and then the Pitot House fair, and then company in from out of town again Saturday night, and then Sunday morning rush to go watch our neighbor’s first horse jumping competition (she won!) and then a jazz brunch at Clever with Evan and group.

So I’m a little cranky that it is Sunday night and Monday is going to be a heavy hitting day and well, what have you, but it is what it is and whatyagonnado?

I’ve not been to the gym in over a month except for one yoga class I was able to catch and that left me excruciatingly sore. Thank god we have entered the cooler weather where I can just live in yoga pants. But honestly that is not a good default.

I came up to look at my calendar thinking I could get away tomorrow night and it’s Tin’s haircut night.

Sooooooooooooooooo.

I was in Rouses today at the liquor counter cause god knows we don’t have enough gin for all that goes on around here and behind me were two women and one said what do you think, a bottle of Crown and the other said I have been drinking a lot of Jamesons lately and the first said well if you would rather drink a broke down version of Crown then we can get the Jamesons and then she said and I don’t mean that in a negative way which even though I eavesdrop I do try to bite my tongue from contributing to others but this time I whipped around and said negative no that would not be negative it is sub negative to which she said well I mean that Jamesons is a poor man’s choice compared to Crown but I don’t mean to say it’s bad to which I said man you are the Herman Cain of Rouses aren’t you and then her friend lost it.

But the truth is this let her have her Jamesons – right?

Top Five Regrets of The Dying
December 1, 2011 By T Kelly
For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.

People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learnt never to underestimate someone’s capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.

When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.

2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.

This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.

Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.

Last night, a friend was in from California and we scooped him up from his hotel and headed to a gay gathering at Tulane and quickly exited stage left to come home and sit by the TV fire and relax. Neighbors came and joined us two by three and before you know it, we were having a swinging little pawty here at the LaLa completed with nuts, TV fireplace, Wedgewood Christmas tree, and holiday music.

It always seems like it is the impromptu parties that are the most damn fun!