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So we went to see Femi Kuti at the House of Blues this evening and he was INSANE. The eldest son of Feli Kuti, the entire band was moving so fast through the music that we, the audience, couldn’t catch our breath. At one point, I thought surely this man cannot continue to go at this speed, but he did. My friend turned to me and said this is me walking down the street and this guy is playing the soundtrack of my life. And I said, yes, pant pant pant, yes, I hear you.

This morning I was trying to get Tin out of the crib so that he could Skype with Tatjana and Tete and he was fussing as he is want to do when he doesn’t want to get out of the crib and he doesn’t want to be doing what you want him to, and I was huffing and puffing and so he threw up his hands and said JESUS! JESUS! I almost fell over from laughing.

He misses his Mama something fierce but he was all game to get to Jazz Fest and so we got ourselves ready to head there to grab a bite to eat.

Only it is literally impossible to get through this neighborhood without stopping to talk to countless people who are either going to Jazz Fest or just want to chat. Good lord! We made it there finally and hung out for a while and a woman sitting next to us started filming him and asked if I or his father are musicians and I said no, but he definitely is musical. She said honey, he is going to be a star. So she came and sat with us and turns out her 18 year old son is a DJ and her 21 year old daughter is an entertainer and a Saintsation (for the Saints) and she KNOWS TROMBONE SHORTY and she called him because she is going to introduce Tin to him. She was blown away by our little music man.

Tin played his trumpet, his trombone, his drums and bonded a little with her son and his friend. They were both adorable and gave me a hug when they were leaving.

Then he did a little more male bonding with my friend and colleague who is in town with his friend.

Tin is still tired from the last five days and I had to get back to work so we headed home. The 4th day of the Fest over for us anyway. The weather was so unbelievable it is hard to believe we are in New Orleans. What a day!

Tin and his nanny were into water colors yesterday and made several wonderful drawings – here is one of them:

Last night, Tin received three piano books that were the same books my friend had when he was a little boy and he now is grown up and plays the piano beautifully. When I was watching Tom McDermott play the keyboard at CWW last night, and Meschiya Lake belting out Bessie Smith’s Black Water Blues I thought to myself how wonderful would it be to have talent like that – to play an instrument so effortlessly, to sing with such richness from somewhere deep down – oh to sing, how wonderful would that be?

I had a Thai massage the day after my birthday as a treat to myself and I was telling the woman about the person who regularly massages me and she said wait, is that Doody? and I said yes, and she said someone described her massage as fantastical – which reminded me of Dr. John.

This evening a colleague arrived and we went to see Tom Mcdermott and Meschiya Lake at Chickie Wah Wah and then returned to sit on the porch of the LaLa and enjoy and he sent me a photo after that was labeled Awesomeness.

it all reminds me of Dr. John trying to find words to describe things that are not describable.

I have been using Laughing Squid to host my website since 2005 and when I went to back up my blog I got a notice that it exceed the available free storage and that I’d have to pay. So I reconfigured my backup. Then recently my emails started not being delivered. When I inquired what was wrong they said that the standard hosting site is no longer capable of handling my traffic so I have to upgrade to a Cloud Hosting Site – I paid someone to do this for me and since then the real hell began – not one reply from Laughing Squid on their website, by email, by phone, through their tech support – NADA. So so long and good riddance Laughing Squid hello Hostmonster.

So far this is going to be a year to remember – the latest Mardi Gras has been in 150 years and gorgeous weather, the first weekend of Jazz Fest in the 80s and sunny and this weekend looks to be a winner. Record crowds coming to this city.

Maybe it took 5 years to really believe that we would come back from such utter devastation but you better believe it now.

Yesterday was the day of rest but Tin needed more rest – a four hour nap yesterday, a ten hour sleep and he was tired all day today – proving that you can’t make up sleep and it’s not as if he lost sleep except for one day’s nap but he just did too much.

Now that the finger is coming off the pause button, and the remainder of Jazz Fest is in front of us and sadly will be over too soon, it’s time to take a breath and not try to do it all.

I was speaking to a wise new friend yesterday who said that she has begun every endeavor with the question to herself, “Why am I doing this?” So before she begins her work she asks herself why, before she eats her meal she asks herself why, before she engages in a conversation she asks herself why. This puts her there in the moment with intention.

I, on the other, hand put myself there with intention but sometimes it’s reason is not clear before, then or afterwards. Tin and I both took yesterday to recover from four long days – as he told me last night as I was putting him to bed, “It was a long day.” I told him that it had been four long days and now we had to recover. Why? I’m not sure what drives me through the paces sometimes it’s just momentum.

I was glancing at Facebook this morning and saw a bunch of my friends asking the U.S. to question their jubilation over killing a man, over going into a sovereign state and killing a man, over jumping for joy over a murder. I had known when I saw the news Monday morning that one of my long-time sources whose brother died in 9/11 would most likely feel something that day – but mostly would feel more poignantly the loss of his brother. I have written before about when Ronald Reagan was shot and how the people I was standing next to cheered. Hate is a powerful emotion, but it’s too harsh a word as I tell Tin – hate is not the opposite of love, it’s to me an emotion that falls under the emotions to avoid list like guilt, envy, and jealousy. Do you hate bin Laden? Why are you cheering the news of a man’s death? Doesn’t this make us look the same as those countries we perceive as barbaric?

I have a lot of activities ahead of me over the next seven days, all of them I want to participate in with intention, but I don’t want to be just swept up in the momentum of just because, I want to know that I have chosen to do these things and that I am fully present and enjoying my decisions. I find myself sometimes not knowing why I am continuing to do things past my breaking point, past my comfort zone, and past what in the long run will make me happy. I’m trying to admit my weaknesses instead of emphasizing my strengths – I reached out to a friend and told him I feel awkward, I told a colleague I didn’t have time to chat as my nanny was leaving, I told the dogs they are the ones who are suffering from my not having time – I’m still Wonder Woman at 52 years of age and she has feet of clay.

My horoscope as if my magic appeared this morning to say:

May 04, 2011

1. Taurus (4/20-5/20)

    

   You’ve been riding high on some wonderful, healthy self-confidence — so don’t let one slip backward send you on a path toward doubting yourself. Everyone has bad habits; if you want to change yours, you simply have to keep trying. You put yourself under more pressure than anyone else — no one is examining you with any great expectations. They just want you to be happy and healthy. Maybe you should share your struggle with friends. You will get some powerful support.

Today is Tuesday and my one and only day to recover from what has been nonstop activity. Someone suggested I celebrate my birthday for 52 days, the age I am, and my response ARE YOU KIDDING? I’ve been celebrating for four days and I’m toast. In the meantime, Tin has been taking the longest nap in history – he went down without a fuss after singing the most incredible song that he made up that had me staring at him with my mouth agape and that was four hours ago – he’s exhausted too.

We were in the park in Atlanta briefly and someone asked him his name and he said, Tin, T I N. I think that is most likely going to be his standard reply given that most people don’t get it on the first take. Then he began to drive the fire truck and said he was on his way to Croatia – no doubt to join Tete and Mama who he finally spoke with this morning on Skype over breakfast.

Isn’t Skype amazing and free, strange huh? What if all this new technology and culture of free is way more radical than anyone could have predicted and only will be thoroughly understood decades from now? I was thinking about this last night as I was falling asleep that the whole bucking of the internet and publishers is that we have come to expect things for free – and that is a problem – but what if it isn’t. What if money has no value? What if the Fed like the NYT recently posed the question were eliminated? What if information and news and entertainment was simply an end in and of itself instead of something to be bought and sold?

I thought about that and one other thing as I was falling asleep and then I had a series of weird dreams and woke this morning with an answer to my other question. Why is it that most lesbians insist on dragging all their exes into their present lives and is that so wrong or is that so right? My answer to myself this morning is it removes the intimacy that was shared between two lovers or it seriously dilutes it. My opinion anyway. I feel as if I walked into a room of a bunch of exes who were now partnered with exes that the intimacy I might have shared with one of them was now known by all of them in varying degrees of retelling and like all things quality dissipates when spread thin. And while this might work for some people, it doesn’t work for me.

Sunday we did the hokey pokey at the wedding and last night, when I got home, and after putting Tin to bed, we set up a table for the boiled crawfish on the porch and sat outside on a beautiful evening to celebrate the remains of what was a very pleasant birthday. Good wine flowed, conversation was easy, and the crawfish were exceptionally tasty and zingy with spices. Afterwards we had cupcakes from Cake Bakery – all yummy to the last crumb (if there was a crumb left).

The theme of the evening was good friends and setting expectations. Last year when a family member asked me to be the bigger person in some family drama, I opted out. Yes, I could be the bigger person, but honestly I’m not interested in making this situation easy for the person who created it. So rather than letting go of the problem, I let go of the people who chose the wrong side of the argument.

So the jury was undecided as no one could agree on the question I posed for them last night – should I or shouldn’t I – there was the typical and dare I say lesbian argument for including everyone and their mother in your life no matter what, and there was the argument to do what feels right for me. I’m choosing the latter. I have come to the conclusion after years of trying to be all things to all people, that there is a need sometimes to compartmentalize a few areas of your life and as Jerry Seinfeld said, “Never let the two worlds meet.”

The thing about pondering these types of things is that they are elastic, there is not a one shot or else moment, instead these are issues you work in and out of during a lifetime of figuring it out. But sitting across from four dear friends last night on the Lala’s porch with the bayou to my back, I must say I must have figured out something right a long time ago to have been treated from dawn to dusk as if I am someone special.

So again I say Happy Birthday to me and god bless the people who love me (they do so at their own risk).