Dangermond.org

So I called my friend today to find out his opinion on Charity because he is a medical researcher who works for LSU and he loves New Orleans as much as I do, and he also has the sensitivity of knowing good architecture and understanding the medical world. He tells me that in the next twenty to fifty years medicine and treatment is going to advance to such levels as we have never seen before and that simply undertaking gene therapy alone is going to be a milestone in what is required for a building.

The new hospital proposed will decimate a neighborhood and as much as we all want to pick up those shotguns and move them someplace to preserve them, the plain truth is that the old 1930’s art deco Charity Hospital could not be retrofitted to be the hospital of the future that this money is supposed to build.

His fear is the money gets placed somewhere else – and so as much as he (and I) lament the coming of an ugly, monster complex sprawl – the inside of this proposed hospital would be so avante garde as to attract the resources necessary to make it a world class teaching hospital.

The Walgreens opened on Canal and Carrollton and I never thought I would be happy to see a chain big box store open but there it is. Having to run to the drugstore for nursery water, formula etc has made me a chronic visitor to Walgreens. While I still try to use DeBlanc’s – our neighborhood pharmacy for prescriptions, it’s just good to have the convenience of the chain nearby – even though as typical with Walgreens it is that heinous brick suburban design.

The NFL is  has warned several Louisiana T-shirt shops that are selling merchandise bearing the slogan “Who Dat?” and New Orleans iconic fleur de lis on it that they own the trademark, so it is sending out cease and desist letter to merchandisers. It now wants the unlicensed T-shirts and merchandise out of the stores ahead of the Super Bowl finals. ?Who Dat? is the unofficial chant song of the fans of the New Orleans Saints.  The chant goes: “Who dat? Who dat? Who dat say dey gonna beat dem Saints? Who dat? Who dat?” It has become integral to team’s success, and the legion of the Saints fans now call themselves the “Who Dat Nation.”??

NFL – get real, “Who Dat?” and fleur de lis belong to the people of New Orleans. Come up with your own slogan.

I spoke with a friend who was driving to work this morning and heard on the call-in radio a woman who said, “We better move quick to copyright ‘Yes, Indeed!'”

My sister-in-law sent four Dr. Seuss books for Tin – yippee! About twenty years ago I bought all the Dr. Seuss books as I planned to give them to my child one day. Then I ended up giving the entire collection to a family member when I realized I couldn’t have children. I love Dr. Seuss – really is there any better kid (adult) book than One Fish Two Fish?

February 5th marks my and Tatjana’s two year anniversary – this time, two years ago, on Fat Tuesday I spotted Tatjana standing in front of Mimi’s in the Marigny as the St. Ann parade approached. I was dressed as a red angel and she as a Peruvian cowgirl. We have lived one zillion lifetimes in the last two years and every grain of sand that has passed through the hourglass has gone into our foundation.

Let’s not make this an anniversary of yesterdays, I feel our story has always been about our todays and tomorrows. Our anniversary that we celebrate both on February 5th and Fat Tuesday every year is about the celebration of memories in the making.

To T – a haiku by Izumi Shikibu translated by Jane Hirshfield:

Nothing
in the world
is usual today.
This is
the first morning.

The most irreverent parade, Krewe de Vieux, kicks off Mardi Gras for us this Saturday night and as usual it is supposed to be cold. Seems to go hand and hand that when the skimpiest costumes are donned, the temperature dips. This year the theme is Fired Up and we’re having to get fired up in a hurry as it seems like the holidays have barely ended and tis the season all over again. I picked up a Randazza’s king cake at Brocatto’s today and as much as losing weight, detoxing, and fitness are on my mind – it is what it is.

Paranoia – is the woman who stops to empty five Bunny bread bags of crumbs into the bayou in front of my house aware of my feelings about those non-native Peking Ducks?

Disgust – Obama caught in the partisan backwater and the buzz is he is failing. Good grief. Why would people set him up to fail when if he fails, we fail? Does party line trump real hard choices?

Joy – walking the bayou with Loca and detouring down Bell towards Ursuline Street – perhaps one of the prettier streets in New Orleans. A different walk than the norm, a different point of view. One house has one of those old fashioned screen doors that has an emblem of an egret on it. Love it. Reminds me of why I have always loved New Orleans.

Trepidation – heading back to work after being gone a month – am I irrelevant?

Guilt & Worry – not taking my cellphone when I went to walk Loca, what if the nanny needed to call me because of Tin – worry worry worry, guilt guilt guilt.

Believe – a big banner on a house on Ursuline Street commenting on the Saints going to the Superbowl. Perhaps this also goes in the category of Miracles.

Miracle – with all the bounty I possess in my life – a loving partner, health, an awesome son, a great dog, a bastard cat and a lovely house on a beautiful bayou in the most interesting city in the world with great friends and a career I am passionate about that I would ever, ever think I had one thing to complain about. My life is nothing short of a miracle.

The beautiful art deco building that has housed Charity Hospital for as long as I’ve been alive is under worse threat with the awarding today of millions of dollars to rebuild. It seems Jindal wants to streamline the razing of an entire neighborhood in lower Midcity to make way for a suburban sprawl of hospital big box buildings rather than do what his constituents want and that is to retrofit the beautiful and historic Charity Hospital existing building.

Two more days of maternity leave and I feel ambivalent about leaving behind these days of just being Tin’s mom. I love my job but I have to say hanging out with the little man gives me immense pleasure and now turning him over to a nanny and eventually school is just blech. On all the people who said oh, be prepared for your life to change drastically – whatever. Here’s what’s not changed, while out on maternity leave I vetted the roof guys fixing the massive leak that happened while we were in Indianapolis, and then the alarm guy fixing what the roofers broke in the attic, and then the plumber fixing the outdoor shower that got hit by the freeze, and then the landscape guy who has to sadly remove the Hawaiian Orchid tree that did not make the freeze but which now gives space to the Crepe Myrtles who have been vying for sun and space. But damn, I loved that Orchid tree. And I’ve baked bread, made good food, cleaned house, walked my dog, and taken Tin to the doctor twice, and still managed to blog daily.

What has changed? I’m tied to him and given the opportunity to either go out or stay home with both T’s, I’d opt for home. So my pull is towards my family and so when people say, I want time for my family, I totally understand and that is what has changed that I notice.

I’m still doing too much, but I feel a sense of wholeness that I must admit came when Tin arrived. I wouldn’t have that feeling without T1 as my partner – because I never wanted just to be a mother, I always wanted to be a family. Isn’t that what most of us long for anyway?

Yesterday, I got off kilter – over sentimentality took me down a path of longing for all those/that who have left instead of focusing on all those/that who are here. It’s easy to get off the path because doubt sets in, worry takes over, and soon you find that you are walking a tightrope and either way is a long way to fall.

We finished watching Hitchcock’s Marnie last night, our movies being carved up into four to six segments to finish. I must say contrary to popular belief, I’m not a huge Hitchcock fan and not sure that I’m now a Tippi Hedren fan either. He originally wanted to cast Grace Kelly (who I adore!), but not sure if the whole psychological thriller would have worked even with her as the star. When you put pen to paper and try to explain why someone descends into madness or becomes a thief as Tippi had become, it does little to explain how this cause had this effect except in black and white terms.

I could easily tell you that yesterday I woke up as Croatian’s say on my left foot (the wrong side of the bed). Tin seemed to wake on his as well as he was a little bit moody. But all of the events that stacked up in 2009 are still leaking out in 2010 – most people suffer post, not during, trauma. I was walking along the bayou with ghosts shadowing me – my dog of 14 years, Arlene, my mother, my Wolfie as well as other losses that get measured against so many. As well as a letter from my brother in prison belaboring his desire to see my son recircumcised by a mohel so that he is really Jewish and explaining to me in a four page letter how he remembers me as a little girl and having put lemon juice on my hair (my mom used to set my sister and I out on a blanket in the sun and pour lemon juice and baking soda on our hair to keep it blonde). Good grief.

My resolve as I rounded the bayou was to remember to let all of this flow through me – to not get stuck in any of the feelings that were crowding my mind. By the day’s end, I had found my way back to center and most of the negative thoughts that are bedfellows with sadness such as paranoia, self-doubt, and fear, flowed on by.

Tao te Ching – #19

Throw away holiness and wisdom,
and people will be a hundred times happier.
Throw away morality and justice,
and people will do the right thing.
Throw away industry and profit,
and there won’t be any thieves.

If these three aren’t enough,
just stay at the center of the circle
and let all things take their course.