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How is it that at 14 years of age you know everything and at 50 you still think there is so much you don’t know?

I went to go get acupuncture today because my nagging back flared up again – she thinks it is my L5 nerve that runs down the side of my leg. She said that I have a lot of stress in my shoulders so I told her about the whole right side aggressive and left said passive theory and asked what she thought.

She said in talking to me over the past few months she thinks it is more that I am a sensitive person and I take things in deeply and that unfortunately manifests itself as stress. She said, “Believe me, it’s a blessing and a curse. I’ve met people who were so insensitive that you wouldn’t believe it.”

I told her I find it extremely hard to relax. She said to do something then that is relaxing instead of trying to just relax – she said try gardening, walking, or even Tai Chi, which is so good for you – it’s the drop of water she said that yields the greatest results. “Everyone thinks they’ve got to do all of these very large acts, but it’s the drop of water,” she kept saying.

I like that analogy because water is the strongest force – we live here in New Orleans because we are surrounded by its forceful nature – water imbues us with a sense of power and wonder – we love it and we fear it – and water moves continuously, it never stops, it goes through, around, under, over, seeping, undulating, covering, falling, rising – it surrounds us as we are carried in the womb – it is a mighty force.

So instead of trying to recline and do nothing, or get up and move like a chicken with its head cut off, I’m going to try to relax and keep top of mind the drop of water concept.

I have a heightened bullshit detector built inside of me but it seems my mother never did. She called today to say she had a job! She was thrilled and excited and said she would be a mystery shopper for WalMart and they had sent her a $3000 check to get started.

Sigh.

But in the new and improved Rachel, rather than say, “Are you crazy?” instead I said, “Let me Google that. No, I’m not finding anything. It sounds like a scam, but I don’t know, I need to see the letter myself.”

I really hate scam artistis and I particularly loathe those who prey on the elderly.

I went to dinner at Meaux Bar last night with friends wearing all black. I wasn’t exactly melancholy but I felt like the world had shifted somewhat with the death of Michael Jackson. I grew up with him – we were the same age – and since he was a little Afro haired boy to what he became lately, his music has always moved me and I mean that literally. After Meaux Bar, we went by Nonna Mia for an after dinner cocktail and found friends there so we hung out a little bit.

I had made a CD with some of Michael’s classics – Billie Jean, PYT, I’ll Be There – and after I dropped everyone off and was on my way home, coming down Grand Route St. John, I arrived at the bayou and could see the LaLa already shut down for the night and so I pulled the truck over, cranked up Billie Jean on the stereo and stepped out to dance in the streets in a rapturous tribute to a musician who made music that has long held such a special place in my heart.

Rest in peace – finally – Michael.

And Farrah, Michael’s death did not overshadow yours – he had become a freak, a sideshow unfortunately – but you, you were brave brave brave and gave back to the world with your blogging and frank portrayal of your battle with cancer.

This morning a friend wrote that she had to make a tough decision and put her beloved dog down yesterday. She said that during the split second she had to make the decision – her dog was in surgery – and the deed, the sky opened up and started pouring down rain and after the sun came out. I know how she felt having just been through this with Arlene.

I love my dogs Loca and Wolfie but oh how I miss me my Bean.

Farrah Fawcett dies of cancer at 62 then Michael Jackson dies at 50! Good god two icons in one day. This is too much – time to pull out the black dress and crank up Billie Jean.

It is raining cats and dogs outside – the palm trees are bending over backwards, the sky is pure gray, and the clouds have stalled right overhead and unleashed their fury.

YEE HA!

I love me a storm and there is nothing like a New Orleans summer monsoon to make things fresh again. I’m sure the Green Market folks don’t love it but my garden is taking in every last drop.

I spent most of 2007 unrolling from the fetal position after an arduous journey from hell and back – I have Katrina, two men, one boy and a house remodel to thank for that enlightenment. So in 2007 I just let loose and became a wild child, I did not have one boundary up at all. That, I understand was allowing the left side of me to take over – the passivity of just being unbound.

Then in 2008, I got down to business and shut down my left side as my right side took over in a full blown attack. I immersed myself in work, in love, and in the auspices of having a baby. All of this business distracted me from my left side and actually manifested itself into a tightness in the right side of my lower back that sent a current of pain down my leg. The psoas, perhaps.

In yoga today, Michele talked about balance about how when the left side takes over we are not participating in life and when the right side takes over we use that aggressive energy to distract us. It’s all about balance. I stand on one foot and I tip over. I stand on the other and I tip the other way. Balance is difficult for me.

Yesterday, when I had a conversation with my mother that found me and her trapped in the same dance, and later when T said to me I have to relax and not be so judgmental, I just threw my hands up. What to do? How can I stand and be a witness to her complete and utter lack of care for herself?

“I need to” is the answer I gave myself.

Today, against steep odds with this tight fist of a body, I got up in crow’s pose and held it. Baby steps, I said aloud to myself.

Farah Fawcett died after a long battle with cancer. It reminded me of reading about Treya in Grit and Grace – the long battle. What struck me the most was this guy that I met through my brother years ago name David. He was helping my brother to put on a celebrity golf tournament here in New Orleans and he said he went to her house one time and that when she opened the door his knees buckled because her eyes were so blue and her smile was so dazzling.

In 1492, Columbus sailed the blue and claimed to have discovered America, which was a surprise to the Native Americans who had been living here. Columbus and crew came with all of their puritan values, which is why, now a couple of centuries later, politicians and sex get so much attention in the U.S. of A.

I couldn’t believe that on CNN they were showing the emails from the Argentinian lover of this governor – what is this Tabloid news or Headline news? I spoke with my European counterparts after T said the South Carolina Governor’s public affair was something that would only happen in America, and there was a resounding response that affairs are as common as bread in Europe and people turn a deaf ear because they could care less what politicians do in their personal lives. I think the exception might be the U.K. where one European quoted an article that said more people cheat in UK than anywhere else in the world.

One European said:

– Take Italy and their PM: It’s almost a running gag there, something Berlusconi brags about and gets applauded for by members of Confindustria, their main industry association.

– Take Germany: The governor in Bavaria has acknowledged he has a child outside marriage (and is rumored to expect a set of twins!), but no one really cares. It’s not going to cost him votes from any constituency here.

Another European adds that Berlusconi’s affair was most likely with an under age woman – imagine that headline here in the U.S.

One of the Europeans added:

Rashida Dati (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rachida_Dati)  is a French female minister and she got pregnant and refused to reveal the name of the dad, the media have been all over her and rumors say it could be someone close to Sarkozy, like his brother.

I was forwarded a recent Newsweek article about:

Henry Fairlie who argued: “… the bedroom-snooping, morality–legislating social conservatives were just as misguided.” He was no libertarian, but he thought that much of the social agenda of the American political right (then and now) consisted of things that were nobody’s business: “Let one homosexual, coke-snorting student bum get hold of two food stamps, and the whole apparatus of government is brought into play,” he wrote.

Americans loathe regulation, so we don’t want anyone swooping in and telling us to not to splash this sort of crap all over the news, but at the same time, doesn’t anyone feel the need to quit this bullshit about politicians and their affairs?

I recall years ago attending the funeral of a man who was lauded as one of the top Bay Area architects and many important people stood up to say what a great man he was – but had his children stood up there, they might have said differently – he was a horrible father, husband, family man, but he was a great architect.

What makes a great person? Maybe everything, maybe not. But I for one am sick of the public gorging on private affairs.