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Psychological Meaning: If you dream of missing a train, being unable to read an important message, searching in vain for something or failing to convince someone of the truth of an argument, then your dream is expressing deep-set frustrations. You may be concerned that your life is not going in the direction you want or may feel a repressed anger at the stubbornness of the people in your life. It is important that you discover why you feel so frustrated so that you can deal more effectively with its causes.  Mystical Meaning: Dream superstition takes frustrations to mean the opposite- all your plans will succeed

B told us that because I don’t sit down to eat things are breaking. I have been sitting down – I cut up an orange as a snack yesterday and normally would eat it over the sink, but instead put it in a bowl and ate at the table. I ate my popcorn dinner at the table – in the past this would have been in my lap while I worked. 

T calls and I am dreaming that Loca has eaten my new orange shoes. And I am mad at myself for letting my shoes drop off from the stool I am sitting on. 

Email T that I miss her and also email L&M about dreams of J with R. R is telling J things that simply aren’t true and I am getting more and more frustrated so I yell at R and say “that is fucked up!” Then I feel bad because I am yelling at a five year old because he is making shit up. 

Leave message with A/C service – it’s getting hot in here. 

I ate my dinner – popcorn and broccoli – and watched Roy mow the bayou outside. Back and forth – how does one short Italian man find such energy? The neighborhood is already getting that Jazz Fest vibe – the one where people start coveting parking spaces. It’s like a land grab. I could feel it in the air when I came home. 

1) Jazz Fest is this weekend – Friday it starts – usually I am jumping out of my seat and believe me by Friday I may be but right now I’ve been so BUSY with work, I haven’t even looked at the schedule – hard to believe. 2) Tatjana comes home in T minus almost 9 days and that is it – I am locking her up and she is not leaving this house again. 3) Loca is mellowing out – she’s almost one and a half and she actually is not psycho and the heat actually helps her not be psycho – but she still can’t be trusted. 4) New Orleans – we’re back and getting better every moment. And the best thing is that some of the things that shouldn’t change – haven’t. 5) Work – I rode my bike on the levee on Sunday and this woman got hit in the cross hairs of a speeding bike and she was lying face down in a pool of blood and for a moment there I thought, you know what – enjoy because you just never know. 6) At the LaLa there is a new house motto, love lives here. 7) And now hear this – I’ll go back to my original mantra – proceed with love – that’s the most you have to offer. 

My calendar says it is Earth Day – has anyone seen any hoopla surrounding this day? Not me. I guess every day is Earth Day – kind a, sort a. With every company going green, you’d think more would be said about Earth Day. It will probably move top of mind around the start of hurricane season. Humans have a huge capacity to erase pain – else why would you fall in love again, rebuild your life again, and have hope that this will be a good year on all counts?

A full morning of work calls, when the A/C man finally shows up to fix the air conditioner that has been broke for two weeks – last night I tossed and turned with two fans on high directly on me as the temperature in the bedroom approached 90 degrees – on a call, I ushered in the workmen – they go up in the attic and break the fire alarm wire – trigger the alarm throughout the house – the firemen are here in record time – and everyone is pointing their finger saying “I didn’t do nuthin” – Hepse Pisikopat (read: everyone is psychotic). 

I woke up this morning at 5AM and snuck out of bed to get my Blackberry (trying not to wake up Loca) because in the absence of the real thing, I rush to get T’s morning email message. I lay back in the bed and read her million kisses from the airport and thought that soon she will be home and we will have a couple of weeks together before she leaves again. I was thinking this morning as I walked Loca that in the past three years I have learned a lot about myself – my self-sufficiency, my ease with being alone, my need to set boundaries in my personal relationships, and most of all that what I bring to the table is a profound capacity to love. I met T at the best time of my life – I’m wiser and happier – and I believe she came to me at a similar juncture in her life – wiser and happier. A match made in heaven. Recently, two people have cited how ungodly our union is – my brother, who considers himself a mensch, a rabbi, says this is not right under God’s eyes. A friend, born again Christian, asked sarcastically if I thought God had sent her to me. My answer to any and all is “Go find your own great love – I found mine.”