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I’m tired of rushing through friends’ visits – yesterday I saw my friend who has had a lot of heart ache and our time together was rushed and reduced to soundbytes. Today I wanted to thank two friends who helped me during my party and instead I was whisked away by demands elsewhere.

Meanwhile, a box arrived with a holiday gift from a friend this evening. In it was a calendar and each month held a different theme in photos of me, us, our friendship, my life, our work – another friend was over when the box came and tears came to my eyes as I flipped through the calendar.

Time waits for no one, but in particular, there never seems to be enough time to hang out with your good friends or make them aware of how much they matter.

We’ve gone from snow to 79° now – humid too – I had to open the door to my office because it was getting hot in here and then before I knew it the buck moths that have been flying around tried to make their way in. They’re beautiful but annoying as hell.

Lying in bed between 12 and 5AM wide awake and dosed up on Advil Cold and Sinus I thought about all the things that lie front of me and all the things that went before. Given everything I know now about me, about life, about the people I have interacted with over the years – I’d say it’s impossible to believe I would have done anything different given hindsight. Well maybe a few things. But aren’t we all creatures of impulse, desire and rational thought?

My brother would peg me as a romantic because I believe in ideals. The truth is that I am a pragmatist with a romantic bent. Yes, I’d like to believe in ideals, for example, I’d like to believe that people like me but when they don’t, I get over it. I’d like to believe in love and for me if it ain’t love at first sight, it ain’t going to be love. I’d like to believe that most people are genuinely good, and that evil is aberrant, and damn if this doesn’t keep playing out.

So maybe I’m a romantic. Like right now the vegetable truck is driving through the neighborhood with the guy on the loudspeaker calling “I got corn. I got mirlton. I got squash” in that nasal mechanical tone and for some reason that grounds me and makes me smile.

Looking out this morning at the misty foggy bayou, I felt like I was transported into some neverneverland – or maybe that was from lack of sleep – hard to say but I viewed it as magical. Maybe that’s romantic.

Hard to say. The one thing that doesn’t keep me up at night is wondering if all of this is for naught. I believe in something.

Enter the body of a woman about to turn 50 and you’ll want to run to the nearest refrigerator – it’s hot in there! The waves of hot flashes started at 42 but they come and go and go and come with no rhyme or reason. Couple that with a head cold and it’s own brand of fever and wheezing and coughing and it is a recipe for no sleep whatsoever.

All in all its the lack of sleep that does you in. Edgy, impatient, forgetful – it’s why they say menopausal women are crazy – they get no real sleep!

But what the hell does sleep matter – I can still go out and enjoy my hula hoop on the bayou on little to no sleep. What is menopause all about anyway? Does it do anything productive for the body, for the mind, it seems to me they would have found a cure for this particular ailment.

I’ve heard that women’s issues weren’t researched or explored because it was men doing all the research and women’s problems weren’t high on their list. If that is the case, how can all these men live with all these nutball women who haven’t had any sleep – seems to me women would be the first priority of research. Oh but wait, that’s right, women are usually traded in for younger women who regulate their temperature more efficiently.

There is a zen saying that whenever a door closes, another opens and basically that sums up my life in general with maybe an added twist, which is that hardly ever has something great happened to me that wasn’t tempered by something not so great simultaneously occurring. So it is that life has a way of being awe inducing and humbling all in the same breath.

We entered the realm of adoption ignorant and every day we grow smarter. Our first interview with a birth mother went well but then the mother gave birth earlier than expected and decided to keep the baby. Putting a child up for adoption has got to be a tough road for any woman. Actually all the choices are tough choices – abortion, adoption, or raising a child.

Strangely enough, within the initial steps of meeting the first birth mother, we learned of another. So when the first door closed, another was already opening. The world is funny that way – it has a certain order – a mystery that remains unsolvable – I have faith our baby will know how to find us.

Okay, so it’s the end of the year. There are all the reports to finish, cards to send out, parties to be had or attend, but my god, where is the time to sit back and reflect before the New Year comes rushing in a like a house on fire? It’s always go go go.

I’d like to begin by saying that I don’t think anything is set in stone and that if you don’t like something change it but I’ve yet to have a Monday it seems in recent history that wasn’t fraught with too many people vying for too little time. Why that is?

My mom called yesterday evening to say she really enjoyed the party. We were talking about what makes a good party. Certainly, Gal Holiday playing is a big plus. But I told her, it’s the hostesses job to bring the party out of the right people – and what we had here Saturday night was a glorious mix of the right people even though most are off center and not right, and needless to say most, ahem, don’t need a lot of coaxing or handholding to get them to party, because when they’re on – they’re electric. So here’s to all our guests who made the evening fun!

And also here’s to Roy and Kenny for set ups like tiki torches along the bayou, a pit fire, and keg handling, to Jerri for garden furniture and other assorted skills, and to all our neighbors who didn’t call the police even in the wee hours of the morning. And here’s to the trash men this morning, who will clear it all away.

We’ve been planning a party to celebrate the ins and outs of everything and finally got around to putting it on the calendar for December 13th. We sent a save the date email out to friends back in September, and responses ranged from why are you bothering me now about a party in December to a few believing that we were going to tie the knot or do something strange, hence the In and Out.

The truth is that it was a party to celebrate and mark the occasion of T’s moving in – even though it’s been a year – and to acknowledge my coming out. In – and – Out. But then In and Out seem to suggest so many other things of which I have listed below.

Suffice to say the party was turned into a FABULOUS PARTY simply by the presence of Gal Holiday and the Honky Tonk Revue playing live in our living room. Really – she brought fabulous in the door with her.

The menu changed from American fare of In N Out burgers to Recession burgers as budgets, even ours, are shrinking, and my did everyone seem to go through the cheap wine and beer like it was going out of style. We ordered trays of Mac N Cheese from Whole Foods, which was yummy. And ordered crispy salty French Fries from Parkway Bakery – two trays full – yum yum yum.

No party is complete for me without standing on a table and dancing – so by the end of the night when I finally made it up on top of what T calls Nick’s Chair and danced to Mr. Big Stuff, I knew that the party was a success.

In:
Obama
Peace
Education
Affordable Healthcare
Babies
Cash
Relaxing
Enjoying
Dancing on tables
Making it
Nights on the Bayou

Out:
Bush
Credit cards
Prada shoes
Faking it till you make it
War
Corporate Rape
Gaudy nights

I wrote before about European friends of ours who were so taken by the volunteer spirit in America when filming their documentary about Katrina. Today the following came across one of my email groups and it is more evidence of how the average person has not foresaken New Orleans and still wants to help – the only people it seems who have not offered to help are, let’s see, the president, his cabinet, FEMA, the CORPs, etc, but I digress, here is the email – got to love this:

I have received several calls from people wanting to volunteer through the week of Christmas into the first two weeks of January.  Most people are looking for one or two day opportunities and the groups range from 1 to 4 people.  If you have anything that would suit these volunteers, please let me know.  I also have some who are looking for longer projects and one group of 40 (!) who lost their opportunity last minute and is looking for some meaningful work to do Dec 28-Jan 3.

Thanks for any help you might be able to provide!

Kristin Friedery
Volunteers of America Greater New Orleans