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Today my mother turns 72 – she has the health of a 92 year old – but the sense of humor of a 22 year old. 

I went to a surprise birthday party last night for someone who is turning 55. Standing in the darkened room waiting for him to drive up, I listen to the whispers: “How old is Frank?” “55” “Oh he’s young.” “Just starting out.” I thought about my friend who is 58 and turning 59 next year. She’s so young and just starting out. I wondered about this thing called age and time. 

Right now I am crawling out of my skin but a New Year is approaching. One with fresh challenges in my job and in my personal life. I just know it’s all good but you can’t help but feel in the pit of your stomach that there is a lot of work to be done in the world – Bhutto’s death. The environment. War in Iraq. New Orleans’ recovery. 

My affirmation today – Today, I commit to living life fully. I am filled with joy as I experience all the wonders that are everywhere I look.

Horrible about her death. Just simply horrible. 

My niece is extraordinary. We call her Miracle Baby because she was born 1.9 oz and survived – no thrived – and now she’s in her second year of college. She’s a big strong girl!

I opened six bottles of 2000 Bordeaux only to find out all of them were corked – another casualty of Katrina – fucking bitch. And I had lunch with a friend outside on this gorgeous late December day and talked about all my hopes and dreams and she spoke of hers – and together we concluded that we will manage our life better and we will open our hearts to possibilities and soon all that is bottled up inside us now would be revealed and nourished. But in the meantime we only mourn the loss of those bottles of fine Bordeaux wine. 

Sometimes the very act of communicating can change a so so day into an extraordinary day and so it is that I found myself able to rise above the here and now and focus on what’s to come – the greatness that awaits me – the love that is yet to be unleashed from my heart – the joy that I haven’t known yet. 

Last night I went to meet friends for drinks and wound up coming back home and working on a vision board for 2008 on the other window with G till 4 in the morning. This one is filled with positive momentum and desire. We burned copious things written about our past that we want to move beyond – our burning ritual is becoming addictive. Then we ate two hot dogs each and went to bed. Vegetables are in my future. 

Birds of a feather
Fly like heat seeking missiles
Straight into danger light

For my friends with children right now, there is no time to navel gaze and contemplate their lives – they are in the thick of it – survival is what we call it in the trenches. But for some of my friends they are doing big things with their lives – in the process of doing full time jobs, they are redoing a house, participating in Burning Man, organizing something special for neighborhood kids, and getting scuba certified. 

Makes me feel so one dimensional to sit around and think about my immediate little life right here with all its drama and not see a world so much larger than the one of my making. My wish for 2008 is to enlarge my vision – to see globally not only in my work but in my life and even beyond global – universal – interplanetary – far out and cosmic. 

And while I open my eyes to a greater world, I want to also be thankful every moment for things like the lady bug that flew on my mother’s hand when we were having breakfast and I said, look how great and she said, look at my age spots, and we laughed till we were belly laughing. I want these moments with my mother before she is no longer here. I also want to always notice the lady bugs – not the age spots. 

What’s the biggest lesson I have ever learned in my life? I would say this simple saying, “Life is not about being comfortable. The meaning of life is to live it.” 

Yet many people seek their comfort zone and look for order to structure their chaos. What if you let chaos rule and see where that takes you – within reason of course – but what if you lived life to its absolute fullest and self regulated the moderation? It’s freaky huh? Most people are scared to step off the precipice – they aren’t cowards – they are seekers of comfort – of convention – but I want to live out loud – and feel and love and know joy in its deepest dimensions. 

This I can do.