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My girls at large set a goal for me back in July – to have a man cook dinner for me by Nov 1st – at the time, this seemed like an impossible goal. I wrote them after Shanghai in September and said a man cooked a picnic dinner for me that was nothing short of extreme thoughtfulness – down to each little item in the sack (I’m talking about the dinner sack).

Well I hate to brag (well maybe not), but I had to write the girls this weekend and just let them know that not only did my man in Shanghai take excellent care of me dinner-wise, but hours before Nov 1st, on October 31st, Halloween night, a cute, 25-year-old man cooked me a fabulous dinner in his house.

Lucky me – what can I say?

I was walking to the race in the cemetery on Sunday discussing relationships and paramours and it all made me get up this morning and decide to take action. I sent a guy I had gone out with a few times an email playfully criticizing his actions yet setting the stage for more direct communication should there be future interaction. I then wrote out a list of things to do and things to be when I grow up.

Things to do – be myself while taking into consideration that any transaction with another might necessitate adjustments.

Things to be – myself, happy and loving and giving, and if someone does not appreciate my gifts, then they don’t deserve me.

That’s my story morning glory – I can rest tonight knowing I checked some things off my list.

It’s not too far fetched that a dynamic woman such as myself – assertive in all things – would not state her needs in her love relations. I’m the daughter of an alcoholic and a rage-o-holic – what I learned best was to not need anything. And I learned how to cook, clean, not take up a lot of negative space in a room, and all those great things that kids learn in these kinds of environments.

And when I finally did learn how to say I need – I said it to my husband of 11 years and so began our 4-year denouement. Then I stated my exact needs to my lover and so began our denouement. Hmm, so far, makes a girl go what? Stating your needs drives your lover away, right?

Wrong – took a long time to develop that part of me, but I put my right foot in with Steve and then my left foot in with N and you know what, I moved two steps forward. Indeed.

That is why I am determined to move into the next phase of my life fully aware of my needs and unafraid to articulate them to the man (men) in my life. Because the next time, I am going to state my needs and it will be “she shoots, she scores” – if not the man – then at least another step forward for the new me.

I was telling a friend that I was learning how to be guileful because being truthful wasn’t working for me – when suddenly I had an enormous epiphany – I haven’t been truthful at all lately.

Another friend told me she is always worried that she might sound – god forbid – needy if she is truthful and/or even worse vulnerable. I told her I so agree – the thought of being perceived as needy is enough to make me take the poison pill – vulnerable I think I can handle, but I don’t in personal relationships very well at all.

So far what have we learned? Ask yourself are you truthful – doubtful that you are. Because you are obviously protecting yourself from being viewed as needy or – god forbid – allowing yourself to be vulnerable. So what’s a gal to do?

Always tell the truth is what. It’s easier to lie. But a real person, a person who is for real, will tell the truth at the risk of being vulnerable, at the risk of seeming needy, because in the end, if you want to be the person you want to date, no matter how ridiculous it sounds – being truthful and respectful of another person is next to godliness in my book.

Loca plays bad dog good dog pell-mell with me all the time. I had to cover up the holes she dug in the yard (AGAIN!) and then she can be so good when we are doing our lessons as evidenced below – her sit/stay is perfect.

November 5, 2007

In the name of love I willingly forgive and forget all harm done to me.

The US delayed setting back the clocks this year by one week and maybe that is why it has been the freakiest time change I’ve experienced. I can’t get right with the difference – last night at 6:30, it felt like 11:30. This morning seemed to have lasted forever as if I was moving in slow motion. It was great that it was light so early, but unsettling that it grew dark so quickly.

I went to Juan’s with neighbors to get a taco and decompress from the weekend. We talked about qualities in a person that we like. I recited my top two – someone who makes me laugh and who I can be proud of. We don’t know what it is that makes a person funny or makes us laugh – but we know that in this life – as sweet as it is – laughter is a gift. One that is always welcome.

S and I had a pre-race breakfast here this morning before walking to the cemetery on Metairie Road for the 5K Run Through History sponsored by New Orleans Track Club. I woke up in that spriteful way – it was 5AM – but really it was 6AM – but no matter – I had plenty of time to get the dogs taken care of and walked before we headed out – I was excited to be running, to be going to a run with a friend, and I remember distinctly saying to myself “I wish there was a race every Sunday!” – and it ended up being a good time – the race, the friend, the larger breakfast afterwards, the conversation – I felt blessed in many ways – for the body that enables me to run like I do, for the mind that helps me engage with another like mind, and to live surrounded by the beauty that New Orleans always affords me.

Last night I went to preview the new restaurant opening on the Carrollton and Canal corridor – so far we have a lot – Wit’s Inn came back after the storm, better than before. Then the noodle house Doson opened. Then Rooster’s made a try but then soon Metin had the restaurant and opened Hot Burger recently. And now Arabesque on the same block is opening to the public this Thursday. A lovely, intimate restaurant that offers electic tapas – it’s a great addition to the neighborhood. We got there late and the place was packed with other restauranteurs and merchants from the neighborhood there to preview the coming attractions.

Then we headed to Vega on Metairie Road – the other tapas restaurant – for a light meal and a cosmopolitan. The best thing? The saffron gelato – yum yum yum.