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M came by to look at some work around the house before I left on Sunday and he had just had surgery for melanoma that appeared on his nose. Thankfully they got it all but we were talking about stuff and he said his father was still back home in St. Louis taking care of his parapalegic brother. His brother was in a car accident when he was 21 and after the accident he was given ten years to live max, but now he is 52. He’s married twice, had a child, and graduated from college – he’s had ups and downs and all while conducting his life through mechanical arms and a wheelchair. Hard to believe how blessed we are till you see how someone managed to have a life despite the odds against him, his disability, and things like his second wife screwing him out of money and taking off while he was in the hospital for a sore that cut deep.

It makes you want to stop and appreciate all ten fingers and toes.

Eyes seduce, then lips
The universal language
Clouds all our knowing

A woman never returns from a journey the same as she left.

Like:

Martha Wainwright

Or:

Emmylou Harris

Or:

Amy Winehouse

My mother called last night to make sure she hadn’t pissed me off by saying that Mr. Mesmerizer isn’t into me. I told her not at all, as a matter of fact, the opposite is true. What if it’s me, who is not into him? If I had a checklist of what I want in a man, on paper he’d be in the high percentile, but the key is to touch my inner soul – whatever and whereever that might be – and that ain’t happened yet. So keys to the door maybe, but no king hasn’t entered the castle.

This morning, Arlene and I woke up to a quiet house. No Loca to pounce on Arlene’s head. No Loca bouncing up against the kennel demanding attention. Shell shocked, we went about the business of getting the Bean fed and me up and out for our walk. The temperature here is pure fall beginnings – all the promise of everything that winter brings – a change in tone, color, feel. A new, new that feels like an old, old. And yet, both of us, calm and relaxed, were missing that ball of energy called Loca Negra – her boundless enthusiasm and curiosity that leaves both the Bean and I perplexed most of the time.

I cleaned the windows – no three foot drool streak – I straightened the rug – no skid into it on her way to bounced off the sofa – I took all of the plush toys and put them on her crate – no squeaks.

It’s new new new – all of it – brand spanking new – and you know what? It’s all good.

Who the hell knows? Maybe it’s because we’re smart.

Went to see Ellen this afternoon for a tune-up – always great to speak with her about all these crazy things that go on in my head. She gave me comfort as only your therapist can.

Ellen wisdom:

1) Big move for me to throw myself out there with gusto. Pat on the back.
2) Sometimes someone fits all the checks on your check list and still can’t touch your soul – hence the numbness.
3) Don’t be hard on myself – common courtesy says there is a follow up call no matter what – my expectations are sound.

Yeah for Ellen!

Although she did say I’d be a tough cookie to date as most men, no matter what they espouse, want to take care of a woman and I am not a kitten stuck up a tree somewhere.

La di da.

I’ve donned my Wonder Woman outfit again as a reaction to my overreactionary mind – I’ve got red gloves, red slick boots up to my thighs, a broad gold lame belt cinched tight, and hair – lots of hair – and I’m ready for action.

Only Wonder Woman, the fighting Amazon, stood between the Menacing Men of Mars and The End of Paradise Island!

Cryptic, indeed. I got it right from the Wonder Woman comic book. I don’t know, it sounds pretty pithy when you say it aloud with gusto, and it kind of makes me feel like the force is with me.