Dangermond.org

So I’m sitting on the porch this afternoon rocking in the rocking chair with M who says she wants to dress her daughter, A, up as a gnome and have her stand in my garden and take some photographs of her. I told her that I want a photograph of me by the bar on Orleans Avenue near the projects that is called B 4 Real. She said she wants one too. The truth is that being for real is the ticket – and when you are riding on this ticket – you don’t have the luxury of quantity – because being for real does not attract the average Joe, it’s only those who are too for real, who recognize it.

So I’m getting my hair cut yesterday and S says to me that last year for 4th of July from his home in Mandeville they were able to see the whole sky lit up because apparently after all the devastation that Eden Isles endured the residents there were going to rebuild come Hell or High Water and so they put on a fireworks display that was incomparable.

He was also talking about how many people are moving into the city who are interesting and committed to New Orleans. And he said when someone now offers a negative on New Orleans, he and his wife, always counter with a positive.

And that my dear is why we live here. You are in a living breathing organism – this isn’t Salt Lake City – this is New Orleans, and good or bad, it’s real.

Vignettes:

The dinner guest: so there is this guy I have seen around town for two years, tall, thin, blonde curly hair, if I had a type, he’d be my type, and so I see him out at the square on Wednesday and a friend says let’s go introduce ourselves and I’m like no. She goes up to him anyway as I walk away and turns out she knows him. Knows him from a friend’s party where afterwards she actually made out with him. So next thing is the friend (whose party he was at) says to me, have a dinner party, I’ll bring him. So I have a dinner party. But sometime between the planning of the dinner party and the actuality of it, another friend stops by who has been out of town for the last year and casually asks, “are you dating anyone?” and when I say this guy is coming to my house for dinner she says no way, he’s a freak, I hate him, you can’t go out with him. So before I even get a chance to say hi, he’s written off the list. But we have the dinner party anyway – and when he calls back – everyone feigns indifference and the dinner party proceeds without him. As I said, the reputation is all you got as a calling card.

Man #2 – so I was at a New Years Eve party and met this guy who I instantly liked. Great guy. Started seeing him around and always felt a great connection. Last time I saw him I got his number for the housewarming party and then thought I’d call him to come to my dinner party this past Friday. Only my cell phone broke, and the new one for some reason didn’t transfer over his number. But knowing his last name, I called information and left a message for him on what I thought might be a different phone number to call me. No response. So then the new phone that was replacing the broke phone broke before 24 hours had passed and so I had a new new phone and they were able to find my old old phone and transfer the numbers and lo and behold, he appeared on my contact list so I called him and explained the whole old phone, new phone, information number, dinner party, housewarming party thing in a voicemail message and never heard back from him. So last night at the dinner party I said to the friend who had done the intervention on man #1 that I hadn’t heard from man #2, who she also knows, and she said sheepishly well maybe, that is because I told him that you think he is cute and are attracted to him. And I said, ___, I am not attracted to him in that way, I like him as a friend. So now I’m thinking okay did he not call me back because I sounded like a psycho with the whole three phone break down scenario, or is he not calling me back because he thinks I’m hot for him, and either way, his not calling back is not good.

Man #3 – so there was this guy that I met with a friend and she had the hots for him and I was in a mode of thinking of not having the ability of having the hots for anyone, but then months went by and we saw this guy again and he was falling all over my friend but now I actually thought he was nice and cute and so I called him and asked him if he wanted to come to the dinner party, not because I had designs on him, but simply to have some new people and especially a man for my friend who likes men around, and he never called me back. Only she emailed him, and he emailed her back to say he meant to call me back but he was busy. And so I never heard from him, and I ended up being pissed at her for emailing and vexed at him for not returning my phone call and at the end of the day, i thought what does it take to just be courteous in this ever increasingly harsh world?

Man #4 – so last night we are having the dinner party with the guest of honor not coming because he was blackballed, the other invite not coming for god knows what reason (he had his kids this weekend), and the other guy not calling because he thinks I’m a psycho stalker or want him bad, and so who shows up but my Moosey at the 11th hour and when everyone left and he and I were sitting on the front porch, he said, imagine us 40 years from now sitting here. And i could.

Man #5 – so today after someone left her phone last night which caused a lot of angst and phone calling but to no result, M came by to get the phone to bring to her friend, and we sat on the front porch and M loves to watch the fish jump out of the bayou and she apologized for telling A that I think he’s cute because he now has the wrong impression of what I feel for him (friend) and she said that she wants to introduce me to this guy who she has been hot for forever who is an artist, has a daughter, and is age appropriate and I said you know what? I’m done for the weekend, there has been too much about men, and not enough about just enjoying myself, so thanks, but no thanks, no fix ups. I’m fixed, and don’t need fixing.

Oh and the baby – so at lunch today, the couple sitting across from me wanted a baby, but couldn’t get pregnant so are on an adoption list, but not sure they want to adopt given their marriage is on the rocks, but they were talking about another woman, who wound up pregnant with a guy she wasn’t sure she wanted to be with, and so she is having the baby, but pushing him away, he wants to be included, and is feeling left out, and they thought maybe both need to see Knocked Up and I just thought, is anything easy?

Finally ready to have a house warming party to celebrate the LaLa’s completion. I picked July 28th – it’s a lull between all the summer festivals and the start of the new party season – White Linen night the first weekend of August then the next weekend Dirty Linen Night and so forth.

To beat the summertime blues and the lull – we’ll have the first annual LaLa Fest and see what that’s all about.

My neighbor caught a big ass female speckled trout in the bayou yesterday!

I’m having a dinner party tomorrow. The guest of honor is not coming and that’s because he wasn’t given a chance – so sad, but what are you going to do? As I mentioned earlier, how you act comes back to haunt you time and time again. And so it is.

I was sitting around planning my menu when someone suggested I get sandwiches so I don’t have to cook. Huh? The whole point of having a house is to have people you want to cook for come over and enjoy it with you – which for me means taking care of them – eating, drinking, dancing. Or that’s the way I look at it.

I love giving dinner parties – but at the end of the day, it’s exhausting – the planning, shopping, preparing, cooking, etc. You got to just stop and enjoy what you are doing or it can overwhelm you. So planning the menu, I went on the front porch with Arlene and made notes. Then I just looked out on the bayou and watched the fish jumping out and thought I really do love cooking and figuring out what we are going to eat and who is going to come.

How lucky am I?

I see the moon
The moon sees me
God bless the moon
And God bless me

Can’t help but say that everytime I see a full moon – from my childhood – what can I say? It’s almost full.

Thomas L. Friedman had an article in the Times Picayune this morning called “No closets for the skeletons on the internet.” He was writing about a book by Dov Seidman called “How.” Seidman’s thesis, according to Friedman is that in this transparent world “how” you live your life and “how” you conduct your business matters more than ever; because so many people can now see into what you do and tell so many other people about it on their own without any editor. To win now, he argues, you have to turn these new conditions to your advantage.

For young people, Seidman writes, this means understanding that your reputation in life is going to get set in stone so much earlier. More and more of what you say and do or write will end up as a digital fingerprint that never gets erased.

So how you build your life, how you trust, how you collaborate, how you lead and how you say you’re sorry – all start to matter more in this world of blogs and personal videos.

One thing I can say is that I have gotten a lot of flak about writing this blog. N wanted me to lie in the blog. His family wanted me to not write the truth. S ended up dating a psycho after we split up who started a blog co-opting our name and wrote horrible things about him and now when you Google him those bits and pieces come up – forever maligning him in cyberspace. An old friend quit talking to me because she hated seeing herself reflected in my blog.

I’ve spent my life as a public person – no privacy about when I fail, when I’m failed, as well as what brings me joy and who, what and how I live and love. I’m comfortable here – in this new world – some people aren’t. But this is the world we live in – we are in a fishbowl, whether I put you there, you put me there, how you and I behave is what will be recorded in perpetuity.

I was committed to staying in last night as I still have work piled up that needs attention. But at 7:30 last night with a little coaxing from my friend who had just spent a bloody fortune to have her hair cut, colored, and highlighted, I had to rally for her hair. I mean, after all, you can’t just sit home with a great do. So we went to Byblos and along the way the course of me rallying and her great hair got subsumed by a graver issue.

You can’t change a person and I am all about forgiving a person’s weaknesses, but when those weaknesses affect you, it is hard to turn the other cheek. So this time, when it happened, I got pissed and I responded.

I told my friend I felt I was being underminded by her actions, which led me to not trust her motives and in the end, if I didn’t address it, gone unnoticed, our bond would slowly erode over time till we drifted apart – that is Script #1. I know how I have reacted in the past to these situations. I have been quiet, and not said what was on my mind because I felt like I didn’t deserve to be mad, or hurt, or vexed about a transgression. But this time, with Script #2, I did not hide my discontent.

Speaking up could very well be the manner in which relationships strengthen (or not), but I think harboring hurt or anger leads nowhere.

In the end, it was the right thing to do – to address this issue head on – albeit, it is very uncomfortable to tell someone you love that hey, this thing you do, hurts me. I’m getting way better at it – I’ve noticed – since undergoing my own self-actualization and getting in better touch with what I actually want in life (and need), I’ve changed. I’m done with being alive solely to make sure those around me have what they want and need.

I’ve learned that my newfound willingness to speak to the heart of the matter is very uncomfortable for me – and very uncomfortable for the person on the receiving end – but life is not about being comfortable – and those that don’t like being around me because I am this person have the option of seeking other friendships that aren’t nearly as complicated – or rewarding, in my estimation.

Later, having a nightcap at Delachaise, I was in a much better place about who my friend is and who I am. And felt good that I didn’t sweep my needs under the carpet to make her world a better place. Plus her hair really did look terrific.

1) Believe they are in denial
2) Don’t take it personally
3) Be very aware of your affinity for alcoholics (we all love what we know)
4) Be there for emergencies
5) Don’t indulge their delusion – talk facts
6) Don’t accuse them or make them feel bad, and don’t let them accuse you or make you feel bad
7) Don’t be embarrassed – you’re not the one making a mess of your life and relationships
8) Don’t regret what could have been, it is what it is
9) Love them despite themselves, they are ill
10) Live a happy and grateful life