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H&T wrote and told me that Little Tokyo didn’t have their liquor license and they were giving away free wine – and so G & and I went after Bacchanal to eat and test out the theory of no wine and we had delicious sushi – we ordered rice paper rolls and other items of note and then this couple came and sat besides us who had been in Iraq the last 22 months and they proceeded to tell us what life was like there and the take-aways were that they hate us there, us Americans, and things are not as bad as portrayed.

We drove over to Bacchanal and when we walked in Chris – the owner – said where have you been – I just went to bed at 10AM this morning – and then he asked me to dance and dipped me all the way down to the floor. We did this about five times and finally G and I got a Seghesio Zinfandel and I bought that terrific French champagne that is so salty from him and we sat down at a table.

Burt came and sat with us – darling guy who is a special services type army guy – and he was well, intense – and focused – and he told us his whole macro outlook on life and living and G took off from the table acting like she had a call coming in but in reality she couldn’t deal with his intensity. But turns out he was pretty cool in a disturbing way.

Then Nyela and Saida came in with their aunt and I was all over these two little youngsters – we played Q&A and Saida got the upper hand and I wanted to take her home with me like right now – but instead she took my phone number and said she’d call – she’s in first grade, Nana is in nothing – both were so incredibly adorable and insightfuly they made me feel inconsequential without them – like we asked S what she preferred Christina or Britney – and she asked us where bees come from. Stumped!

G and I stopped at Felix’s and got oysters and a salad. My dad used to go to Felix’s in the Quarter and eat about six dozen oysters but for G and I – a dozen was good enough. A young boy, I call them now sippy cups, sat next to me and engaged in conversation and I said you know what – too young to >>> – is all I could say.

G and I made our way to Ernie’s to see Thoth and we parked in rock star parking by the Audubon Park and made our way. We got there with time to spare because this parade too so LONG to roll. And there we caught up with old friends and met new ones.

Can I say that N has the most beautiful lips I have ever seen on a man. Okay, that being said, we then walked quickly over to meet L&M with the kids by Shoefty on Magazine and I helped J-man catch a spear. We ran into TL and his friend M there as well and got drinks at WOW.

Then back to E’s where they had already started jamming. This little boy was on the keyboard and was quite impressive.

The LaLa’s floors are perfect and pristine – that in and of itself makes me somewhat nuts – because they will not stay the way they are right at this moment. So I creeped inside to turn off the lights that Julio left on in every room and in my stocking feet I went through and photographed the house. My home. It’s incredible.

I got up late having had a fitful sleep – a sleep that was interrupted by dreams of my asshole neighbors contesting my fence (which James is supposed to erect on Monday), of the screen moldings that I did such a lousy job priming, of so many other things that I have no control over – all enough to start my day with an anxiety rush that could paralyze less than the average bear.

Then I went to Lowe’s and there all my peeps were like Hey Ms Dangermond, your fridge is coming tomorrow or Ms Dangermond, how ya doing? We find ourselves in kindred spirits in the weirdest places.

So Giovanni was a no show – I went to Home Depot and bought all the screen molding and decided to prime it myself – okay we could call this a big mistake – but maybe I can sand down the problems – the drip globs – whatyagonnado? It’s such a drag to realize how inept you really are.

I was so tired and have no food in my house so I went to La Vita at 4PM and begged a salad off the kitchen – found out they got their liquor license and ordered my fav – Mt Gay and Diet Coke – then proceeded to endure the next few hours of the lights going on and off – and watching people come and go – R came with an entourage she wanted me to join and I said NO – then G finally came out and we caught up workwise and personal wise – we haven’t seen each other in a while having orbited different constellations – but we are committed to MG together – that being our anniversary.

Finally the lights came back and everyone was happy – restaurant life is so demanding – you can’t take a pause for you because it is all about serving others.

I had a mini meltdown this morning – Julio was coming to do the floors and I figured I couldn’t do anything at the house so I might as well get other things accomplished. So I had a list – of course – and on my way to Pilates I realized I forgot the drycleaning and a pair of shoes for the cobbler. So I had a hissy fit – that I’m overwhelmed – that I can’t do every last thing by myself – that ….

Then I gathered myself and came back and got the drycleaning and decided I would just be late to Pilates. So now I’m back on my way to Pilates when I get a phone call that lo and behold Lowes has another washing machine and they are bringing it out first thing this morning! So now I can’t go to the drycleaners or the cobblers.

So I get inside and am doing Pilates and about ten minutes before it ends I decide to leave so I can run drop the clothes off on the way to go meet Lowes. I get two minutes from the Pilates studio and am trapped like a rat in parade traffic and have to maneuver my way back to the other side and finally I pull up in front of the house and it dawns on me that these clothes are not getting in before Mardi Gras – as MG has a way of taking over.

Inside is Julio who shows me how my oven has been dragged across the living room floor into the kitchen and has created almost tire treads as well as there are paint splotches everywhere – this is all going to cost me – he informs me also that I owe him $300. And so I have another hissy fit and call Steve – who calls Julio – who then says don’t worry about it. But backstory – remember Julio had to do the floors before I was ready because I wouldn’t get him otherwise and it costs $300 to cover the floors – and I told Steve I wouldn’t pay and he said don’t worry about it. Now I have to pay extra because Giovanni slopped paint here and there.

AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

So then I see that Joe has left a bunch of wood on the side of the house and so I put it in the truck and decide to dispose of it myself. As I’m driving back from the LaLa to the Can I am starting another hissy fit about how the hell am I going to get rid of this wood and I should have sawed it up and suddenly I hit a pothole and all the wood goes flying out of the back of the truck. I’m stopped in the middle of the road picking it up and cussing under my breath when a guy pulls up and says, Miss, can I have that lumber?

He takes all of the lumber and the bag of insulation and tells me that God sent me to him today. Now I have to say to myself – self, when are you going to get up and realize that world is full of so many wonderful things, and if you focus on all the petty details it is just going to weigh you down and what did Lena Horne say – It’s not the burden that wears you down, it’s how you carry it.

So I was trying to think of a crest for the LaLa. And here’s what I’m thinking:

Conceived in LOVE
Built under ADVERSITY
Completed with LUCK
Live the ADVENTURE

Driving around town all I see are bumper stickers that say in living color – I LOVE NEW ORLEANS. I am so tired of the rest of the world thinking that we are pathetic down here. Today the New York Times printed this article – another unbelievably solipsistic view of what everyone would like to believe is truly going on down here. Run for the hills – New Orleans is flushing itself down the Mississippi toilet.

If you like reading this kind of stuff – check this out.

But I’d rather you check out the response my dear friend H had to my sending him the NYT article this morning:

Had the anecdotes used in this article been us, the title would have been, “New Orleanians investing their lives in city they love” or “Surprise! Some people actually like NOLA”. Man, these types of articles really piss me off. I could tell you what they’re about before I even read them, as they are written with a simple formula:

Although most articles are titled after they are written, there’s no need to wait. So, go ahead and title your article in oversimplified defining terms (e.g., New Orleanians Can’t Overcome History)

1. Start with anecdotal lead (mr. x and ms. y loved nola. but now that has changed.)

2. Cite a historical generalization that may or may not be relevant (“neighborhood x gets its name from a corrupt segregationist, an influence still seen today”).

3. Cite a commercial trend that would seem unusually bad to the rest of the US (e.g., housing sales highest since 1980… BFD!! 80 f–king percent were just destroyed… and sales are surprising?).

4. Get a second quote from another resident who has a grievance (such people person are not hard to find? e.g., “I haven’t had my trash picked up in weeks” or “when I was in Houston, none of the houses had mold”)

5. Quote a study that seems to prove that the anecdote and the grievances are everyone’s reality (be sure to ignore caveats or conflicting data or why the main subjects’ neighbors are rebuilding!). Do not go next door and find out why those people are staying. Do not interview people who are buying the houses.

6. Now briefly cite the conflicting data

7. Now quickly mention the lives of people such as murder victims or flood victims so that contrary data are ignored.

8. End with a quote dealing with the inevitable end of New Orleans as seen through the eyes of a “local”…

9. Hand into editor and suggest you will add any aspect of racism or poverty if he/she likes. Will also mention how great it is in Dallas. (Note, editor may want you to change Dallas to Houston).

Note that when your article gets syndicated the title will change: Whereas atlanta’s paper will read “New Orleans is history”, it will read “Lock your doors, New Orleanians may be moving to our town” in idaho’s papers. Also, be aware that many papers will run this on their front page. So, if you can throw in a quote from a chef or musician, that would be great; stereotypes are critical for the front page. Also, if you could book about 30 seconds to a minute on Fox or CNN to discuss your research in New Orleans, that would help the article as well. Regardless of the subject of your piece, bonus points are given to reporters who mention the following: Edwin Edwards, David Duke, Chocolate City, the racial makeup of any group of New Orleanians at any time, the cost of Mardi Gras, the dismember murder in the quarter, Money in freezers and Sea Level.

You now have your assignment. If anyone turns in an article that even attempts to critically evaluate the complexities of New Orleans life, culture and politics it will be deemed unacceptable for publication.