Stormy weather
I got some bad news today about a friend who didn’t need any more bad news and well, I just decided to quit with all the what if’s and anxiety and everything and just say to hell with it. I made French toast for Tin out of leftover Challah and made us some Moroccan style greens with chickpeas (yummy). Then Tin and I went for a walk around the bayou – it’s always around dinner time that the sky lights up in the pink hue as the softer sun bounces off the other side of the bayou.
Tin was testing me and kept trying to change directions of the walk because he didn’t want to be told which way to go. At one point, I turned and kept walking and when I turned back he was standing in the middle of the street. To say that my heart stopped would be an understatement. I never took my eyes on him and walked right to him and told him that if he ever did that again he would never leave the house for the rest of his life. He tried it one more time and I walked with him right to the edge and told him that he better not even think about it and he looked up at me. “See how fast those cars are going, they could hit you, hurt you. No street unless you have Mommy’s hand or are old enough to cross yourself.”
Then we saw the round full moon glowing in the dusky sky. “Moooooon,” he said, changing his tune from obstinate to adorable. We looked across the bayou at the LaLa and I just sighed. This house that gives me such great joy has been weighing on me like a stone – fix this, fix that, bleed money here, bleed money there. My deep seated desire to get in Blue and ride to Mexico has held me fast around the neck and yet, I looked over the bayou with the moon light twinkling in the “waaaahhh uter” and thought, damn, it’s home, whatyagonnado?
Clouds never last do they baby?
We came back across the bridge and there were soft waves stirring up the bayou, the houses on the west side were glowing from the last traces of sun, and as we got to our side there was a red canoe tied up with water lapping the sides and the big oak cast an ominous shadow around us. “Treeeee.” “Bowww oat.” “Moooon.”
Suddenly the world that was overwhelming was so intensely awash with reds, blues, pinks, greens, and shadows and light and the gentle lapping of the water against the shore and the birds flying just overhead, and the soft hum of people walking by and the gas lanterns flickering on the old houses made me think that perhaps I got my head screwed on backwards because life is always about bills and loss but it’s also full of joy and plenty and sometimes we see the world with our eyeballs screwed in too tight, so life seems harsh and glaring, but it’s not.
Like my friend said as I tried to console him, but he was really consoling me, “I’m a survivor. So are you.”