Friends in Odd Places
Friends seem to come from the unexpected at times – like A for instance – who just instinctively has known me and been able to respond always with such love and devotion. Or take M who came into my Industrial group and made such a difference and has time to think about me here in Arlington and send me a Nordstrom gift certificate. These and care packages weigh down your heart and make it difficult to say that’s it, I’m gone, can’t take it anymore. How do you walk away from this as your working relations?
Similarly you watch a tired married couple – like J and N who came over on their way out west – the snipping is part of a longterm disdain and you rail against this – you don’t want to be part of this club, and you watch yourself suddenly and you watch your friends and suddenly realize all the flaws that are associated with convention and you want to scream.
But back to A – she makes me welp up – I just want to hug her smurfy bones and hang out with her. Loving mother, over the top achiever, fabulous abs, she just keeps going with all of what she is – layers of love and competence and smarts. I worry about leaving this company, about her leaving it, about what we have had here and how afterwards it will be difficult to compare this to the next thing – or will it – is that fear talking? – we’ve had such a great run – having fun, making money, and doing good work and as we contemplate it being over or as I do, it already feels in the past and that is hard to bear. What comes next?
If you are learning about me via this blog that is incidental – it wasn’t meant to be this way – it’s a warm up exercise back to the habit – and if it is a window, it’s only a side window, there is so much that cannot be written – the Muse has been in charge of me but has not given me the go ahead to write freely – like all habits you have to be there as a habit to finally open the flood gates. Otherwise these are just random observations of the banal.