Hosanna Hosanna!
Epiphanies always come when you least expect them. Sitting in the W lobby on first arriving in NY on Thursday afternoon – my body trying to withstand a system crash from too much champagne the night before coupled with only a fist full of trail mix on a Jet Blue flight – not too long later upchucked – while L was in the bathroom I noticed a man sitting across from me – a tall, dark and very handsome man who was almost frowning. I looked at him and signalled with a tug at the corner of my mouth and he got the message and laughed. He ended up sitting next to us and L began a conversation with him that led to him telling us how he had left the corporate world 18 years ago and started a nonprofit for inner city kids – he wanted to do something that was in his heart – L was intrigued because he is searching for his next career.
It took a while, but today on a long, long bike ride, I realized that I have been moving off center again – I’ve lost track of the elephant book I want to collaborate on with S & H in Arkansas (I was reminded of this by an article in the WSJ), I have become unfocused on wanting to be a guardian angel for a child who needs my help and resources (this becoming more clear as I read The Blind Spot about a woman who made a difference in a child’s life), and I’ve found myself reverting to the old me in my relationships with men (a few twisted dreams brought this home to me).
Life is all about stumbling and picking yourself up and dusting yourself off and moving forward. Leon E. Haynes caught my attention because he was a man who seemed to be carrying the world on his shoulder, Atlas style, he tugged at my primordal instincts to take care of – I realized somewhere around Leon C. Simon this morning that I’m done taking care of men – I am only going to take care of me, a child, and/or my mother – not a man. Not again.