Fear of letting go
The theme at yoga – which I finally went back to after a two month hiatus – is om. Perfect huh? Om. It is everything – the universal vibration. I love when we om in class, it has such a great feeling.
I am entering the afternoon of my life as I segue out of the morning of my life (Carl Jung divided a person’s life this way). The morning is all about I, about accumulation, about ambition, about acquiring. And the afternoon is about the search for meaning.
During my 2005 mercurial spiral down to the underworld and my Phoenix rise over the subsequent years to be a woman of a certain age living in a house on the bayou with a career and some form of retirement and accumulation, I never stopped to question what I was doing. It was blind drive that put me on the path to making everything happen – constructing the LaLa, reconstructing my life, deconstructing my past.
And now in the nascent stages of the afternoon of my life, I need to be able to let go of my attachments and instead sometimes I find myself thinking how nice it would be for Tin to grow up here at the LaLa, with this bayou as his morning view, with this community as his safety net, with this city as his teacher.
How do I move into being more about meaning and less about material things in life when the LaLa, this patch of land that sits on the Bayou, this neighborhood where friends and neighbors have my back, where all of my fantasies and dreams collect in this basin – how do I honestly let go of it?
January 14th, 2010 at 10:59 pm
Do you have to?
I thought this a good opportunity to tell you about Hubby’s yoga class at UtahU. He began Monday and loves it. He’s even talked me into taking it next semester along with him. Utah has this state bill that allows seniors like us to take any class at the U during regular hours for $25. You can’t beat that price. So reading this makes me look forward to the day 3 months or so hence that I do my first beginning yoga.
Lastly, you’re taking to motherhood very well indeed. It’s an adjustment but you have what it takes.
January 16th, 2010 at 3:36 pm
One word for you Alice – YOGA!