Routines old … and new (sigh)
Woke this morning and felt so happy it was Sunday. And like all Sundays instead of feeling like I needed more sleep, I woke with boundless energy. First I took Wolfie out since she doesn’t get the kind of walks Loca does. Her back legs are getting better but we foolishly took her off the meds fearing liver issues and her back legs deteriorated so bad that she is now back on them for good.
Here’s a photo of her by T’s fishing pole:
Loca and I then went for a long walk in City Park. We ran into a woman with a new little boxer puppy and she asked if Loca could play, so they ran in circles and bounded and jumped in the lagoon and basically did dog stuff. Then I came home and made breakfast and tea and read the front page of the New York Times – children living in now homeless families trying to keep their grades up in school.
The day was starting off overcast, but the sun came out in full force by the time I got saddled up on my bike. I had my Ipod and tuned to my God on Sunday playlist for the ride – a little over 30 songs that all mention God at some point in the lyrics (however, I’ve also got Busload of Faith so there are exceptions). Then I rode out to the lakefront and headed first down towards UNO and then all the way back around to the point. There was a race going on but I was happy to be riding solo, lost in my tunes and my thoughts.
When I got home, I changed quickly and headed to the hospital. The quiet of the hospital on Sunday is becoming eerily familiar. Mom was awake but her eyes are so distant it’s hard to read her. I stroked her legs, her shoulders, held her hand, and got real close to her face and told her I love her. She mouthed I love you back, but I’m wondering if that is now automatic pilot. She was in and out of sleep and constantly mouthing words. When I left the room with my heavy heart, the usual welling of tears, I noticed the nurses at the nursing station just averted their eyes.
And so it is.
September 7th, 2009 at 1:15 pm
That’s a beautiful dog. She looks great in spite of the problems. Sorry to see your mother’s going through so much hell now. “Yea, though I walk through the valley”
My thoughts are with you.
September 7th, 2009 at 6:38 pm
I call this not hell and not heaven but just plain messed up purgatory with mom – and then what? I have this mid grade anxiety that keeps me up – what about this, what about that? Ugh. Meanwhile, yes Wolfie is a looker and she is doing much better on the meds – as holistic as we would have liked to be with her the meds help tremendously. She’s such a good dog. To think someone chained her up in a backyard and bred her over and over without ever letting her out for a walk. Well I guess someone did that to a little girl too we just learned. Ridiculous.
September 8th, 2009 at 5:22 pm
Atrocious may be my word choice, but even that’s not strong enough! Why would a God who is supposed to be all-knowing ever have decided to give man dominion over animals!? But I can’t get started about how I feel about people that would harm animals, especially for profit!!!! Regarding your mom, I hope you take some comfort in knowing you’re doing your best to do what’s best for her, and it sounds like she knows that; what more can you do? My father-in-law suffered several years of a different kind of hell dying with ALS (Lou Gehrig) and it makes you feel pretty awful, especially as we weren’t nearby to help. Having strength to do what you’re doing is its own reward, and I admire you for it.
September 8th, 2009 at 6:31 pm
Thanks Alice, Tatjana’s mother wrote me from Croatia and she so aptly advised me to be with mom as much as I can and help her to suffer less. That’s where we’re at right now – as far as Wolfie and the idiot who did that to her, well, when the vet had asked if I had looked for the owner, I said no, because that owner didn’t deserve her.