May I selfishly add “I want …”
When the adoption failed in May, we were dejected and did what any adults would do, we sought consolation in distraction – we planned a trip to Portugal. Little did we know that this disappointment was the beginning of a summer full of oh my god’s, one after the other.
Now that the trip – prepaid – to Portugal is hanging on the delicate balance of whether my mother can segue out of the acute phase, I find myself clinging to the trip’s purpose once again, the consolation prize for having no control over our destiny.
The only problem is how soon our trip is coming up and how slow progress has been with mom – and so I’m trying to believe that I will roll with whatever comes my way since most of this is out of my control anyway.
So today’s meditation on the Tao te Ching is particularly enlightening as it proposes openness = mainly to whatever comes – ommmmmmm.
#12
Colors blind the eye.
Sounds deafen the ear.
Flavors numb the taste.
Thoughts weaken the mind.
Desires wither the heart.
The Master observes the world
but trusts his inner vision.
He allows things to come and go.
His heart is open as the sky.
July 28th, 2009 at 11:39 am
I’ve just spent the last hour catching up, Rachel. I’m so sorry you have to be carrying this heavy load with your mother. I don’t know who’s having the worst time, you or she. I pray to whatever runs the universe that the outcome, whatever it is, will be the best for all. I’m thinking of you often, even though I don’t technically “know you.”
July 28th, 2009 at 8:03 pm
Thanks Alice – your words are soothing for whatever reason that I don’t know myself – since I don’t know you either. I’m turning all this stuff over to the universe and letting it answer since I really wouldn’t know where to begin trying to direct this show.