An addendum to the deadly sins
Mortal sins were created by Catholics to educate believers on acts that might destroy their state of grace – the seven no no’s are “Lust”, “Gluttony”, “Greed”, “Sloth”, “Wrath”, “Envy”, and “Pride”. I have one more to throw into that fire – “Ingratitude”. How come that is not on there? In our discussions and dreams about our child, T and I realize there is much we might not know about how this person will develop but the one thing we do hope for most of all is a grateful child.
Today in the midst of what I dubbed War of the Worlds, once again the elder member clashed with the younger member of our visiting family and in the midst of everyone reaching pitched height of emotions, I found myself arbitrating much in the same way my mother did in our household many years ago when my father roamed the earth. Picture a rage-a-holic father prone to violent outbursts and six children who could bring the house of cards tumbling down and throw in one soft spoken mother who was anxious and prone to drink who tried to negotiate peace.
The other day when mom was going through the DTs really bad and Wendy the sitter was there, she told me late in the afternoon that she and Brenda (she called Wendy Brenda the entire time) had had words and she said at me with a frown, “I hate conflict you know.” I sort of laughed at the time because I thought, hey, you signed on for the wrong family – drama, guns, rage, gypsy blood – you hate conflict, good grief. It’s almost like saying I hate my skin.
But today, being the peacemaker, I saw myself in my mother’s role, I heard even her voice come out of my mouth – in a different way of course. My mom would beg in a drama scene for my dad to quit yelling and for us to apologize for imaginary crimes. The whole family fit together like that – one screaming, one begging, one crying – on and on and on till my father dropped dead of a massive coronary, which I have to say I presaged when I was having lunch with three of my sister in laws four days earlier.
I don’t feel like I am an ingrate – I love my family despite their troubles and I love my mother despite the Chardonnay-colored glasses she wore against the reality she could not suffer – and yes, sometimes I have been angry and frustrated because I selfishly wanted her to be healthy – but all in all, I’d have to say I have been grateful for the life I was handed.