Another sleepless night
Lying in bed between 12 and 5AM wide awake and dosed up on Advil Cold and Sinus I thought about all the things that lie front of me and all the things that went before. Given everything I know now about me, about life, about the people I have interacted with over the years – I’d say it’s impossible to believe I would have done anything different given hindsight. Well maybe a few things. But aren’t we all creatures of impulse, desire and rational thought?
My brother would peg me as a romantic because I believe in ideals. The truth is that I am a pragmatist with a romantic bent. Yes, I’d like to believe in ideals, for example, I’d like to believe that people like me but when they don’t, I get over it. I’d like to believe in love and for me if it ain’t love at first sight, it ain’t going to be love. I’d like to believe that most people are genuinely good, and that evil is aberrant, and damn if this doesn’t keep playing out.
So maybe I’m a romantic. Like right now the vegetable truck is driving through the neighborhood with the guy on the loudspeaker calling “I got corn. I got mirlton. I got squash” in that nasal mechanical tone and for some reason that grounds me and makes me smile.
Looking out this morning at the misty foggy bayou, I felt like I was transported into some neverneverland – or maybe that was from lack of sleep – hard to say but I viewed it as magical. Maybe that’s romantic.
Hard to say. The one thing that doesn’t keep me up at night is wondering if all of this is for naught. I believe in something.