The Real Life Shuffle
The IPOD Shuffle meets the Real Life Shuffle
E says “I remember when you first came in, you told me, ‘I am a sexual being'” (S downloads the Dead Kennedy’s version of Too Drunk to Fuck after I play him Nouvelle Vague’s cover – mine is all breath and giggles, the girl’s version – his is ramming guitar)
New Orleans and I have been in a drought – on day 137, mine ended, albeit temporarily – on returning to NO, I smelled the rain in the clouds in the plane – the city and I are in sync. (“Absence makes the heart grow fonder, and the mind begins to wander back to happier days,” Loudon Wainwright III)
Out for long run along Aquatic Park then up through Fort Mason and along the Marina Green headed towards the bridge – sensory overload of sage, eucalyptus, and lavender in Crissie Field not to mention memories of a past life (Linda Ronstadt sings “I’ve been higher than the high sierra, lower than death valley can feel…I’ve been wrong, mostly right, right about me and wrong about you.”)
S says his dad showed slides of when they were kids, grouping the chronology along each kid rather than family – S noticed his mother always held him, whelped him up in his overly sentimental state – I whelped up when he told me (I.O.U. the sunlight in the morning, and the nights…that time can’t take away – Lee Greenwood)
The Cougar left for Colorado and called to say the young waiter is making a documentary on Cougars such as herself – she says, you are the only person who calls me a Cougar (“Fuck the Pain Away,” Peaches)
In his “gay” apartment (well appointed, neat), S and I sit on the sofa and hold each other, crying, his heart has turned to stone, mine is a wreck (“You and I know the reason why, I’m gone and you’re still there,” Rachael Yamagata)
My relatives were kicked out of Spain in 1492, the great Jewish diaspora, they left Istanbul after it became Constantinople, another Jewish diaspora, they came to Cuba and left during a revolution – the year I was born – and I was forced temporarily to evacuate New Orleans – so now I ponder another hurricane and no place to live – the eternal wandering Jew (“I don’t know how to get home, God, what do I do?, I’m a thousand miles away, lying next to you” – Jewel)
In the TT, listening to the Raconteurs – Jack White is a genius – (“I miss being mrs tonight,” Loretta sings – S says I don’t remember this song.)
S, my contractor’s partner, said “Calm down, Rachel” – perhaps the worst thing you could ever tell me – and J tells me earnestly, when I laugh and tell him, “as if you could calm down” (“I am not a pretty girl, or a damsel in distress…don’t ya think every kitten figures out how to get down, even if you never show up?” Ani Difranco)
The doctor calls and says there is a problem with my mammo and I need to come back in – S reaches under the table at the Rotunda and takes my hand when I tell him, then says “I’m here for you” – G emails she wants to go to the appt with me – and to N, I say it is my left breast that looks odd, “you know the one covering my heart” – (“You always hurt the one you love,” Clarence Frogman Henry)
S tells me at the bar at Houston’s with a French Dip in one hand – on her way to Colorado – “you know what would be good? a boy toy, someone like Peter G, adorable and adoring” echoing what L said earlier, “let’s go trolling at the Bulldog” – I told L, I refuse to pick up boys with an 8 month pregnant woman – again my girlfriends all want me to be better, normal, or whatever it is that isn’t this (“I want to make it all right. I’m going to fall down on my knees,” Blues Explosion)
I tells me I need to get a staff and learn to fire dance – she does it with chains – having learned it for Burning Man – I said better yet, you come when the LaLa is done and fire dance on the bayou for me – but I think she’s right I might need to learn a fire dance of my own (“Your picture is on my wall, it helps me remember you, and I recall how I’m amazed, I still love you the same, yes I’m amazed I still love you the same,” MoZella’s version)
Mom says when I pour my heart out on the phone to her, lying upside down on the king size bed in Chicago, “honey, you needed comfort, now close the door – embrace your freedom” (“I’m not angry anymore,” Concrete Blonde)
Madonna says the air condition hurts her throat, so we all sweat and sway as she hops and skips across the stage (Forbidden Love – Love without guilt, love without doubt…Rejection…Don’t go near the fire, don’t go in the dark, Don’t give in to your desire, ’cause he’s gonna break your heart, Let go, let go) – Madge, you look awesome!
O says watching Madonna cavort on a lit up horsey, “I want to wear white tights when I’m 50!”
Home to get a divorce, build my house, and be a New Orleanian – renew, rebuild, rebirth – (“Don’t you feel like trying something new?” Joe Jackson)