The once was a girl, who had a little curl…
E was right – I do not take risks – a history of having a man to cling to as I am finishing with the man I am with. There are things about yourself you may not like to hear, but they are worth knowing. G left for Knoxville trying to run from a truth she sees in herself because she does not know how to get around it or fix it. I figure I have to fix mine so I must find fortune in having this time to do the hard work. Yesterday at Markey’s I asked N what she thinks is wrong with me and she said it centers around the “menz” issue – she asked me what about her I saw as flawed and I said her meanness – but it’s not mean, it’s the sharpness of tongue and I told her being smart, means having a cutting wit, which makes her hysterically funny, but when she is bad, she is horrid – the curse of the mind. But yesterday she said she woke up and decided to bring out the kinder and gentler N. Then L and I spoke this morning of the female cad – the girl who wants a man to fawn over her but then would rather sit around with the girls and have her fun – a sort of narcissism.
But back to me – my flaw – again mulling over quotes from Tennessee Williams – “It is almost as if you were frantically constructing another world while the world that you live in dissolves beneath your feet, and that your survival depends on completing this construction at least one second before the old habitation collapses.”